(completed) ELEVEN eleven 11:11 // JINJOO

Chapter 45

Yujin's POV

How did the 7 years past? Maybe I did attempted to move on quickly, to try things out with someone new, perhaps with many someone, I didn't even keep tract. It's way too soon but it's nothing serious. A kiss won't kill, right? It feels good until that person doesn't taste like the previous lover. Until they don't smell her. Until their embrace isn't as inviting... isn't home. So I went into withdrawals. I remembered I was at the stage whereby I looked so wreaked, I kind of just want to stay in the house and didn't bother to put in effort into my appearance. It's to the point where nothing matters anymore, and I literally get bombarded with 'Are you okay' questions every day. There's a numb vacant feeling deep in the chambers of my heart. I experienced chest tightness— angina. And sometimes I'll get paroxysmal nocturnal dyspnea too, jumping up from my sleep in the middle of the night gasping for air. This feeling of toxicity followed me around everywhere and EVERYTHING reminds me of her. Music, movies, her old interests, random quotes, locations, anything and I'll find a link to Kim Minjoo.

People said I've changed. They told me I needed to get over it and find a new "boo", a new flame. They tell you it was never real. You want to hate them so much, but you can't, because it's myself who caused this tragedy. And it will probably be my lifetime regret for losing her.  I remembered the hugs, the kisses. I remembered talking on the phone and the very first time we met. However, that's the past and i'm not and never her future. I can't protect her anymore, something that's I always wanted to.

It's an internal fight. Wondering what the fuck was wrong with me. How could I mess something so perfect up with someone that's destined to be with me. I laid awake at night hating everyone, hating myself, hating the idea of love. I remembered It's 3 in the god damn morning and I was listening to depressive music, crying my eyes out while eating cereal out of the box, just wanting to scream until the pain had poured out and shattered into the air. The heartbreak felt like a blade to the chest, and the sharp pain of shattered promises. It hurts me that I'll never be with her, but it kills me more knowing that I'm the course of it. And with that, I'll never be able to forgive myself.

The party became just a wholesome catch up sessions with pals that i've met for years, and Ryujin seem to love the idea of that kind of missed human interactions. I got so exhausted after finishing catching up with most of the classmates. I trudged towards the guest room as instructed by Yeji as she said that there's a empty room for me to relax.

"Yujin?" The girl inside voiced out.
"Ohh..? Sorry for disturbing you, I didn't know you were in here." I stunned in shock for abit.

Omg what the heck out of all people why is Minjoo here in the room alone.

"It's pretty loud outside isn't it?" I continued.
"Ya...."
"Is it okay if I sit down?"
"Ya sure sure." She smiled awkwardly.

I could hear the palpitations of my heartbeat through my ears it's like i was having tachycardia, but I've to remain composed.

"What's that you're drinking?" I questioned.
"I actually have no idea, want to try?"
I picked up the glass in front of me and sipped a little, "Oo this does contain a high amount of percentage, no wonder really flushed." I chuckled.

"Hey i'm okay alright! Do you still think i'm that weak Minjoo in the past? Hmm nono." She swayed her index finger left to right.

"Here drink up, sober up a little, the night's still young." I passed her a bottle of plain water.
"Oh my thank you... Yeh, it's hmmm," Minjoo clicked onto her phone, "11.11! And ahhh oh no my phone just died."

11.11. Why does my heart feel a sudden burst of ache coupled with unnecessary memories flooding into my mind.

"Hias a doctor yet still doesn't know how to take care of yourself..." I jokingly said.
"Doctor's jobs are suppose to care for patients not themselves." She retorted.
"How do you take care of someone when you can't take care of yourself though?" I enunciated causing Minjoo to be at a loss for words, "I'm kidding, it's just really fun to see you get teased. I'm sure you take care of your patients well."