A Pirate Story

Hear no Evil, See no Evil

The group arrive to Monquista and immediately stumble through the small town and to where the Chamberlain stood in front of the doors.

"Feck we're going to have to crawl through these doors aren't we?" Rachel asks Sally who shrugs and nods.

Rachel narrows her eyes at Warwick who gives her playful flirty smirk.

"Sally ye go before me, Warwick don't ye dare stare at my ass." Rachel warns Warwick after gesturing for Sally to go through the small door first.

"Okay, first of all, Rachel. I see lassie as a little sister, so I'd never look at her that way anyway. Second, why not I go before ye? We all know Ye big booty will block the door up!" Warwick mocks Rachel who rolls her eyes and walks through the door.

"What business does a clumsy giant have in the heart of Monquista?" Chamberlain Mandemus asked Sally who was sitting on her knees before Rachel and Warwick also crawl through the door. "Giants." Mandemus corrects himself.

Warwick stood awkwardly hunched over while Rachel sits down lotus style.

"We are here about Gortez." Sally says but is interrupted by Mandemus, "I fear you are all far too coarse in speech and dress to- Gortez? That was you?" Mandemus exclaims looking the group and down.

"Well duh." Rachel said leaning her head on her hand.

Mandemus leads them to the courtroom where the queen and King of Monquista sat.

"I present you his resplendency Fernando, sixth of that name, King of Monquista and Skull Island, Overlord of Marleybone, and Aquila. Take heed!" Mandemus said pridefully.

"Well that's a load of bullshit." Sally mutters to Rachel and Warwick who were both in shock and amused at Sally cursing.

"And?" Queen Isadore asked annoyed.

Chamberlain Mandemus let's out a annoyed sigh, "And her transcendent sublimity Isadore, Queen of Monquista and Skull Island, Empress Regent of Krokotopia, and Protector of Polaris. Take Heed!"  

"Again, absolute bullshit, all those places have their own queens and Kings. Heck Marleybone is owned by their queen there is no king." Sally said knowing her history of the worlds like the back of her hand.

"We will speak to you now. I take it that you are the Captain who braved the jungles of the Isle of Doom and rescued our beloved Gortez?" King Fernando asks Sally.

"Uh, yeah but I didn't do it alone, my friends Rachel and Warwick-" Sally tries to explain only for the King to interrupt her with his enthusiasm. 

"Marvelous! Well done indeed! Not even the greatest Monquistador could have done better. You are a credit to your hulking people." King Fernando chirps.

"What?" Sally asks confused.

"To be fair yer Monquistadors aren't exactly hard to persuade or take down..." Rachel mutters causing Sally and Warwick to hum in agreement.

"How glad we are to look upon your..." The Queen looks them all up and down. "freakishly large yet well-formed features! Your deeds shall never be forgotten." 

"I'm going to pretend ye didn't offend me when ye look like a man in drag who forgot how to properly shave their beard." Sally said bluntly shifting her weight to get comfortable.

"Verily! Indeed, let it be proclaimed throughout the immensity of our realm that this gangly pirate is a Hero of the Realm!" King Fernando cheers.

"I just told ye that Warwick and Rachel helped-" Sally says fed up but Warwick places a hand on her shoulder and shakes his head. He wanted to end this meeting as soon as possible.

"And Gortez..." Queen Isadore begins, Rachel cuts her off, "He's in our custody currently so what do ye want us to do with him?" She asks also fed up with the conversation.

"He is in your custody now? Excellent! No - we would not look upon him now. No doubt he requires time to... recover." Queen Isadore says omniously.

"I don't blame him for starting a cult now, I'd to be around these people day in and day out." Warwick says taking a swig from his flask.

"Indeed. We do hereby decree that Gortez shall be removed to Zenda, where he shall undertake a well-earned... rest." King Fernando omniously states.

"I don't like where this is going..." Sally mutters.

"Dear Captain, you have done so much for Monquista already, might we beg one more favor? Will you deliver Gortez to Zenda, in your excellent Ship?" Queen Isadore says in a more commanding tone.

"Bitch what?" Rachel asks annoyed.

"Do we look like an escort to ye people?" Warwick asks equally annoyed.

"Do this, marvelous Captain, and your efforts shall receive such thanks as fits a King's remembrance. This letter will admit you to Zenda." The King hands Sally a letter, ignoring the annoyed look on the young adults faces.

"Our Boundless thanks, dear Captain. You may withdraw from our presence now. Good Day." Queen Isadore dismisses them with a turn of her head and a wave of her gloved hand.

"This is why I prefer the Queen of Marleybone. She at least was nice and polite and had a great sense of style and music." Rachel grumbles as the group crawl back out the door in the order they came in.