𝐁𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐒𝐢𝐧 (𝟏𝟖+)

𝟒𝟑 || 𝐎𝐮𝐫 𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐬

"Loving you is the most natural feeling I've ever known,baby"

                                         ♣️

A few days later:

Anger, pain, emptiness.

I felt it all rushing through my body once I found out Alexander left for Los Angeles the next day after our conversation over the phone. Without saying a damn word to me. Not a single thing. He disappeared as if he's never been here.

Nothing.

He just left after I told him how I felt.

After I told him I'm in love with him. Without a fucking doubt in my mind, I love him.

And he just ran away like a fucking coward taking Emma with him.

The pain I experienced the last few days is almost as bad as the pain I felt when I lost my mother.

I screamed I cried, I lost my fucking self all over again.

I hate myself for letting him so close to me, to my heart. I hate myself because I need him like I need the fucking air to breathe.

Maybe it was his laugh that melts me every time I hear it. Maybe it's these deep hazel eyes staring deep inside my soul seeing my true self. Maybe it's his smile that turns my stomach upside down and makes my knees weak. Or maybe it was all of these things together because whatever it was it made me fall pretty damn hard.

I lost my heart in the middle of our mindless conversations in the middle of the night, holding his naked body closer to mine. I lost myself in his kisses, his touch, his eyes, his words. I lost it all.

I always believed that the man of my life is Jacob. That we were made for each other and I thought my life was over when I found out about his betrayal. I was shattered.

But now when I see him I feel nothing. It's as if these feelings never existed as if our love never been there in the first place. I don't remember his kisses, his touch on my skin, the way it felt to behold by him. Nothing.

The only imprint I can feel on my body is from Alexander. As if he marked me as his.

The man who turned my life upside down at full speed.

The man I truly love.

And the man who left me.

Tomorrow is December 31. New Year and my stupid birthday, and I don't want to celebrate either of them. I want to sit in my fucking room all day and not leaving it.

But of course, that won't happen.

I heard someone knocking on my door and I immediately rolled my eyes annoyed. I already know who it is so I left my bed for the first time today and with slow steps, I approached my door opening it. My eyes locked with the happy Ava.

"Ava, it's too early" I muttered, seeing Ava's grinning face. Well, at least one of us is happy, unlike her my eyes are swollen and my hair is messy as hell.

Since Alexandr left she spends almost every minute possible with me. Never leaving my side, trying to cheer me up and I love her for that but we both know it's not working but we both decided to play along.

She looked me up and down and pursed her lips, obviously feeling bad for me. I never thought I would come to this point of my life again, but never say never I guess.