Everlasting Bonds - COMPLETE

Chapter 35

Sitting at my kitchen table as the October rain splattered onto my windows and the city beyond, my thoughts started to drift from my homework. I had been spending a lot of time over at the guys' place- so much so that my cozy studio started to feel less and less like home.

The peace I felt with Aidan, Luka, Greyson, and Colt was something I could almost tangibly feel at times. As if the softest velvet wrapped around my shoulders every time we laughed together.

Letting out a sigh for what felt like the millionth time today, I started thinking about what I was going to do. I loved all of them, Luka said that he loved me, and I had no idea how the others felt.

F*ck.

My inability to sort out my feelings for them could mean the end to that peace I coveted. But... I don't know if I even could sort out my feelings for them. If I chose one of them, I could risk losing all of them. Even the thought of choosing made my head spin unpleasantly.

I didn't want to. I wanted all of them. As selfish as that sounded it was the truth. Buried underneath layers of unease, self-doubt, and suffocating insecurities, was this small kernel of hope. Maybe...just maybe they felt that way about me too.

Laughing, I shook my head. There was no way this could work. And since I couldn't bear the thought of choosing one of them, my choice had to be none of them. A pain in my chest that I knew originated from my heart made my eyes shut suddenly. 

That kiss with Luka... that was the first time I had felt desired in a way that didn't make my body tremble with fear. Even though I wanted to feel that with all four of them, I knew I couldn't do that.

They deserve more than you. More than some broken thing.

Tears pooled in my eyes as I finished that thought. Even though it had been my own I heard it in Gio's voice. I wanted to scream and break something. For the first time in nine years, I had something that made me feel so alive I thought my heart would burst out of my chest.

I had Aidan, Luka, Colt, and Greyson. I couldn't – no, I wouldn't lose them. Even if it meant putting my feelings for them behind me and watching them be with other women, I would do that.

They meant more to me than my selfish desires.

A knock at my door jolted me from my thoughts. My body tensed as the jarring sound bounced around my small home.

"It's Aidan".

A smile curled against my lips. Even though I had just seen him yesterday, the two of us hadn't spent any time alone since we met for lunch almost a month ago. The wood floor felt cool against my bare feet as I crossed the distance to open the door.

He looked... perfect. Absolutely perfect. Leaning against the wall opposite my door, his black hoodie and grey sweatpants managed to look straight off a streetwear runway. I could tell he must have just finished a workout because there was dampness that darkened his normal blonde color.

"Are you going to let me in or stare at me some more? If I need to win some sort of staring contest to gain entry just let me know I can prepare quickly". His teasing tone snapped me out of my admiration and brought out an easy laugh from me.

"Just get in here, loser. I wasn't expecting you is all". I stepped aside to let his large frame through the door. Even though all the guys were tall, Aidan's boxer build made him seem almost too large for the tiny studio.

"Sorry to just drop by unexpected. I wanted to check on you and maybe watch a movie or something?". His deep voice was playful as he kicked off his shoes and made his way to sprawl on the small couch. Even though he was probably half the size of that couch, I found myself loving the way he just made himself comfortable.