Is it really worth it?

The Start

*Come on Maya just do it. Throw up. It can't be that hard. You ate too much and it has to get out. Come on Maya. You can't stop now.*

She kept on repeating the same exact phrases to herself and she couldn't stop. Her mind was driving her crazy but she had to manage. She had to get rid of the things she ate.

"Maya?" Carina was calling for her beloved girlfriend. Of course, Carina had no clue what was going on in Maya's head. Tears were streaming down Maya's face but she tried so hard to keep them hidden. Still, she responded like there was nothing to hide

"Coming just give me a second." She has gotten better at lying to her girlfriend even if it stings her heart every single time. She was exhausted by it. Every second of every day there was one thing on her mind and she couldn't get the thoughts to disappear. Thoughts of things that haunt her. *You're too fat! Have you seen yourself! Stop eating! Go on a run! You ate too much again!* Since she was 15 years old these thoughts were haunting her. Deciding about her every move. Though it had never really been her choice. The man of her childhood home a place where one should feel safe but these thoughts into her young mind and they haven't left her since. But still, no one ever found out. Everyone thought she loved all the running. That she was just a person with little appetite, no one ever looked deeper. Why would they though? No one ever looked for the obvious unless they knew the obvious might be present.  Until Carina. Still, Maya did not say a word.

"Hey, babe" Carina whispered into Maya's ear while hugging her tightly. Maya felt safe in her arms, the only place those thoughts would disappear even if they were only gone for seconds. They were gone there.

"I brought us some pizza. I picked your favorite." The words were flowing out of Carina's mouth while still holding Maya in a tight hug, and there they were again. Those terrible thoughts.
*Don't eat the pizza, Maya. You already had lunch today and didn't go on a long run. Who knows how many calories are in that pizza. Just say no politely. She won't notice*

She pulled away and just for a second got lost in her girlfriends deep brown eyes. Carina was still smiling at her. "I-" Maya stumbled.
"You're not hungry." Carina finished the sentence for her. Maya nodded feeling terrible guilt deep in her soul, as she hoped someday her terrible thoughts would disappear.

(This is the first part and I hope you enjoyed it. By the way, the first two parts will be slightly shorter just in case you are wondering.

So this part was published more than a year ago wow. Thank you all for your support so far and for going on this journey with Maya. It is also funny to see how my writing has evolved from this chapter to the recent once.
Again thank you and I hope you too will see where Maya goes with this)