Is it really worth it?

"Bambina breathe! you need to breath!"

*If it felt so good to finally say it why does it hurt so much. I don't want to hurt anymore. I've had enough hurting. This is supposed to be a good thing, right? It should be freeing then why does it frighten me so much? But this is something good!*

Maya still tried to figure out if this decision was the best. She knew it had to happen at one point she just didn't get why. "Are you ready?" Carina's familiar voice drung through the corridor into Maya's ears. It sounded soft and as always comforted her in a way nothing else could. Not even the smell of a burned-out fire. She turned elegantly making her hair swing in Carina's direction and gently brushing her left cheek. They smiled at each other. Both knowing that the swing was a cliche in the relationship something both of them did to make smiles wander onto their faces. Till now it seemed to always work, even in the darkest of times. "Yes, I am. Born ready baby." Both of them continued smiling

After Maya's brave speech yesterday they agreed on resting at home and watching their favorite show but to Carina's dread, Maya remembered the promises of had made last night. Now there was no other option than to go. So there she was standing ready in her sports clothes. Maya had a huge smile going from one cheek to the other, knowing how long she had wanted Carina to come with her. "If you leave me behind to go faster I will personally kill you!" Maya broke out laughing while Carina was trying to keep a stern look on her face. But she couldn't resist the loud and contagious laugh. She broke her poker face and laughed with Maya. Just being happy in the here and now.

At the start, they ran hand in hand which of course didn't last long because Maya had to run in front of Carina. She liked teasing her a little. She always did. "Stoopppp Bella wait for me!" Surprisingly Maya agreed and gave Carina the big water bottle. Maya watched while Carina took a huge sip taking in lots of water. She smiled at the looks of the exhausted woman standing beside her. "Are you done honey so we can continue?" There Maya was teasing again and she knew it. Carina just nodded with discipline and started running.

"Can we please take a break?" Carina huffed behind Maya clearly being out of breath. The blond just ignored the exhausted exclaim and continued running. She was in her element and couldn't stop. So Carina forced herself to catch up and make her aching feet run faster.

*Keep running. Keep running. Don't stop. This is what you are supposed to be good at. Keep running. Eyes forward, see your goal. Why can't I just run? Just keep running. Run! Run!Run!*

Now Maya felt a hand on her upper arm. Making the spot warm up in an instance. Carina was shaking her excessively trying to get her out of her current state. Only then Maya realized she was in mids of a panic attack. Her breathing was out of control and all she could see were Carina's deep brown eyes. "Bambina breath! You need to breathe!" Maya was gasping for air trying to get her lungs full of fresh autumn air. Something still didn't feel normal. Her hands were shaking, sweat was dripping down the side of her head, breathing felt suffocating and relaxing at the same time. "MAYA!!" at this point Carina was full-on screaming and everyone's eyes were on them. Everybody was watching. Carina's voice did pull Maya back to the here and now but not entirely she was still far gone. The breathing got worse and worse. At this point, Carina had her arms wrapped around Maya hoping her touch would help. Nothing seemed to happen.
"You'll have smiles on your faces like crickets and stars in August."
There it was again the Italian lullaby Maya knew so well. It was an instant relief. She felt safe, harbored, home. She was home. Her breathing normalized and the people around started minding their own business again. "Ready to go home?" Carina asked with her traditional soft voice. Maya gave back a small nod. Hand in hand they walked down the street and back the familiar way home. All they really needed was each other.

(Sorry this took so long and sorry it's so short the next part will be longer!!)