Is it really worth it?

"Oh God, what the hell happened?"

A flush of pure fear was rushing through every vein in Carina's body. Tears were rapidly streaming down her cheeks. The thought of losing the person she loved was excruciating. The only person she had truly let into her deepest and darkest secrets. The person she had planned to spend the rest of eternity with.

It was a loud night and people were swarming around all the bars. Carina barely got through everybody. She drove like a maniac but she didn't care all she cared about was the love of her life. How could this have happened? Did someone hurt her? Her thoughts were spinning like crazy and all the focus she had gathers seemed to disappear in seconds. The joy she usually found in life with it. Her heart was racing and it felt like her entire chest could explode in a matter of seconds. Why did this happen to her baby? Why was she not there? A flush of guilt overcame her. The guilt of not being there when the accident happened. She had no clue yet what had actually occurred but she already put all the blame on herself.

There was just one thing she wasn't thinking about. Something crucial to figuring out what had happened. The fact that Maya was going through something no one believed was real. That thought never crossed her mind. Why would it? If Maya didn't even believe it was real?

"Where is she?" Carina screamed across the entire ER. Patients from other beds flustered at the anger in her voice. "Dr. DeLuca calm down." That was it the sentence killed her. "HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO BE CALM MY GIRLFRIEND COULD BE DEAD FOR WHAT I KNOW." the intern was clearly shocked not expecting the outbreak. A hand was placed on her shoulder and for some reason, she had hoped it was her girlfriend telling her to calm down and that everything is fine. Of course, that dream wasn't the case. It was Bailey. Her brown eyes watching her. There was no exchange of words but Carina knew exactly what she was gonna say. So she just nodded and tried calming down. Which quite frankly was impossible, but she tried. Bailey directed Carina into a room further away from any patients (or interns.)

"Take a deep breath for me okay? This is not going to be easy to hear." At this point, Carina's breathing was completely out of control and she was close to passing out herself. Terrible thoughts no one should ever have to have were roaming in her head. She just looked at Bailey with hurt and pain in her eyes and nodded. Approving her to keep talking. "Maya was found just outside Joe's bar. We don't know what happened yet. We just know she hit her head very, very hard on the floor or just on something very hard. When she arrived she had lost quite a large amount of blood which also caused her to pass out. Her BP was very high and she bottomed out. Luckily we got her back fast. Still, it damaged her. It was a penetrating head wound and she was rushed to the OR. She is in there now and doctor Shepherd is operating. Maya is in good hands."

Bailey finished talking and left. Carina was now alone in the empty ER room. She let out a loud cry and collapsed onto the floor tears flooding her clothes. It was a pain she had never felt before. Her heart was aching and every cell of her body hurt. With pain, she never had thought to experience. Everything around her was spinning and the tears wouldn't stop rushing down her already wet cheeks. Why does it hurt so bad? Maya is the one hurting why does it feel so terrible for me?

After getting herself together even in the slightest she made her way to the waiting room. She started picking at her lips. It was a tick she developed in her childhood years. Whenever her father was going through a manic phase. It used to get to the point where the bleeding wouldn't stop and her lips were entirely bruised. Up until now, she managed to stop. But this situation was worse than anything she experienced with her father. She sat in one of the chairs but was certainly not still her leg was shaking and her lower lip started to bleed from picking at it. Maya was still in the OR and since Bailey's update, there was no news. She hoped that meant something good and the operation was going seamlessly. Her leg tapping continued until she felt a warm hand being placed on it. Holding it down so she would stop. Andy had positioned herself next to Carina. With the same worry in her eyes. They both were on the edge of losing their person or loved one. Which was the most terrible feeling one could experience.

Hours passed by and the two of them were still sitting in the big waiting room. No news had managed to come through to them yet which made them even more nervous. Carina was holding a white paper towel against her lips. The bleeding had gotten worse and she needed to hold pressure for it to stop. Amelia made her way into the waiting room and both Carina and Andy immediately jumped up. They hoped for the best. Of course, who wouldn't in this kind of situation? Amelia was holding her hands in front of her stomach and her OR gown was hanging loosely on her sides. She had an emotionless face and just stared at Carina. She took a step forward. Coming closer to her.  Amelia looked down at Carina's lips and noticed the bleeding but decided not to say anything. She slowly rested a hand on Carina's shoulder and now gazed at her. Taking in every detail. She still hasn't said a word. Carina knew what was going on. Amelia was trying to comfort her. Why was she doing that? One only does that if something has happened? Oh God, what the hell happened?

They kept looking at each other when Amelia finally opened her mouth to say something. But at this point, Carina had zoned out going through all the disastrous scenarios in her head. Please let her be alright. Now she looked up ready to listen to what Amelia had to say even though it killed her.