Is it really worth it?

"I need help."

A few days later:

"Okay, you can go home now. It's time and your check-up looks perfect so that's a great sign." Amelia's voice called out to Maya and Carina. A little smile found its way onto Carina's red cheeks while Maya looked deadly serious. She knew she should be happy about this so she forced one of her best fake smiles.

*Everything and everyone is going to be different. Oh my God, I don't even want to know how many pounds I gained while being out I mean 5 weeks is a long, long time. Stop it Maya you shouldn't think like this. It literally is the reason why you ended up in this situation. Besides now I can finally be back in the hands of the woman I love most in this world.*

Of course, Maya tried to forget the thoughts haunting her every move like they used to all these weeks ago but she couldn't. She couldn't just forget and move on like these thoughts were never there. They were and they still are. Who knows when they would disappear.

Maya found herself in normal clothes again placed in Carina's car and it felt amazing. She was finally out of that terrible hospital. "Bambina, are you okay? You're so quiet." Carina meant everything she mumbled in the best way of course she did. She was treating Maya very humbly and was careful not to hurt her in any way possible. "Yes, honey all good. I'm just thinking a lot." Maya's voice brought silence over the car. Carina was now lost in thought almost as deep as Maya was. The car was driving the usual way. A way Maya still knew exactly by heart even after being down for 5 weeks. The way she used to drive along to bring people to Grey-Sloan in the aid car. She started to realize how much she missed work. The adrenaline, her friends but most of all being able to help people in danger. She missed life.

"I'm so glad I have you back," Carina said while walking into their apartment. Both of them haven't been in here for 5 weeks. When Maya and Carina needed things other people like Andy went to get the stuff. Carina always protested to stay and no one wanted to force her away. The house looked empty and one could see no one has lived here for a while. The kitchen was clean and the pillows on the sofa perfectly fluffed. The first thing Carina did, was walk into the open kitchen space and make one of her famous expressos. She wanted to grab something to eat but the fridge was entirely empty. "Are you hungry?" Carina asked forgetting just for a split second what was going on in her girlfriend's head. Even though she didn't know the extent of how far her thoughts went.

*No. Of course, I don't want food. This is what no one gets because food is fuel right? And besides, it's delicious. Why would one not eat it? I know she won't understand even if she tried to and it's not her fault. I should eat it's the fucking reason my health went down the drain but it'll make me fat and I don't want...*

Her thoughts were a fighting mess. A total mess. Maya quickly thought of a good reply. One that wouldn't raise suspension and wouldn't make her eat. "Yeah kind of. Let's settle in first and then we can go get something." They both seemed content with that answer. Maya made her way to the bedroom still kind of lousy on her feet, unsure of her steps. She wanted to go running she wanted to move now that she is finally able to again. Rapidly, she put on her sports clothes even though she knew exactly that running was not the best idea.

"Bella, no! you're not allowed to go running yet you just got out of a 5-week coma," Carina spoke concerned. Maya's big blue eyes were glaring at her. She was making those irresistible puppy dog eyes. Carina knew them too well but she could never resist. "Fine. But I'm coming with you. No excuses." Maya wasn't entirely happy with that answer but that's all she could get and she knew that so she didn't discuss it. "But first I'm drinking my expresso."

About 40 minutes later Carina finally decided to get changed. She slowly walked into the bedroom. Maya was watching her from the sofa and couldn't help but smile at the gorgeous woman that was completely hers. That thought made the smile intensify. That woman was hers. And only hers.

"Okay, I'm ready," Carina said now finally being dressed in sports clothes.  The sight was enchanting, Maya couldn't make herself stop glaring. "You like what you see?" Carina answered to Maya's intense stare. The blonde nodded excessively and smiled undressing Carina with her eyes. Both of them had huge smiles all over their faces and just enjoyed each other's company. Something they've both been longing for. "Maya?" Carina asked when she noticed the tears starting to sting her girlfriend's eyes. Not understanding why she would be crying at such a beautiful moment. "I need help. I don't want to risk it again if it means I can't spend the rest of my life with you. I'm ready for help so I can be free and just focus on you. Focus on you. Forever." A single tear found its modest way down her cheek. And she was smiling. Carina felt her eyes filling with tears. She was proud. So proud that Maya had finally managed to say something. She made her way over to their big sofa and pulled her girlfriend into the biggest hug. A hug that said, "I'm so proud of you and I love you endlessly." Without actually saying a sole word. The hug said it all.  No words needed.