Jealous | Tommyinnit angst

32 ➪ Bye, Karl!

Tommy POV

I couldn't take it anymore. I thought I could trust Karl. I gave him a second chance after the first time he broke my trust.. Now this? He just hurt my brother, He called him useless as a whole. I watched the whole thing, and it was fair to say Wilbur was in the right.

I wanted to cut myself. I needed to cut myself.

I haven't since my attempt. I feel like it wouldn't be my last.

I shivered at the thought, feeling the instant regret. The guilt when I heard Karls voicemail. The constant pain after it.. I sat on my bed, the fan blowing against my skin. I was angry with Karl. Wilbur was dead passed out on his bed.

I sighed to myself, getting up and heading to the bathroom, locking it behind me. I searched rapidly for a blade in any of the drawers... none?? shit what do I do..

I started breaking down. I forgot my other blades at my old home. What do I do?? I couldn't think right. I was sobbing, what is wrong with me. Why do I always do this?! I cant do this!! I cry over nothing. I cry because I can't harm myself! That's an issue. Maybe that's why Tubbo hasnt texted me since I tried to..  kill myself. Even Ranboo messaged me?

I suddenly heard a bang on the door, "Tommy? Are you alright?!" It was Wilbur.

"Y-yeah..?" I didn't know..

"Tommy please dont hurt yourse-"

"Wilbur? Tommy? What's going on." Karl suddenly appeared. He was angry. Was he?

I was angry at him.

"Tommy's in there. He sounds like hes been crying." Wilbur sounded tense.

"Tommy. What's going on?! Why'd you give me that look." Karl exclaimed at the door.

"NOTHING!" I yelled. I was digging my nails in to my hand, forming a fist. I just prayed they would leave.

"Tommy come out." Wilbur cried.

"I don't want to right now.. P-please leave me alone." I sobbed quietly.

I looked up, seeing pills on the counter.

nononononononononononono

I started getting flashbacks to that morning.. I blocked out all noises as I stood up, I walked to the bottle of pills.

I gripped it in my hand tightly, I was sobbing now. My body was shaking as I stared at them, I wanted to just swallow them all again.

I read the label.. More bulimia pills? Who were these for, and what even was that?

My mind told me to swallow them all, my body told me to throw them out and dispose of them. I .. Don't know what to do...

I suddenly chucked them in the bin, burying it in trash. I don't care who it was for. I don't care what is was for. I wanted it gone. Quickly, I pushed the door opened and walked out.

"Tommy?!" Wilbur shouted.

"Are you alright?" Karl held my shoulder.