Jealous | Tommyinnit angst

46 ➪ Walked Away.

....

You can't seriously..

You can't leave m.. me here..

I blocked out all noises and just cried and yelled, this was my worst nightmare. This was anything but a dream, it hurt so much. Seeing his body hung from the ceiling. He's dead.. Why did he do it?

He was all I had left.

Sapnap left, now him?

"Why did you do it?.." I whispered to myself with bloodshot eyes.

I wanted to drop dead right then and there, then I saw a note. I prepared myself mentally before opening the note up..

I took in a breathe and un crinkled the letter.

Hi

I just wanted to say that this is none of your faults I promise and i'm sorry to whoever finds me like this. i just dont want to carry this burden over my head anymore, everything hurts nowadays. sapnap impacted my life to a point where i depended on him, and him leaving put me to the breaking point. im so sorry karl, im so sorry wilbur, im so sorry tommy. i know you all are struggling and this just isnt gonna help im stupid. be mad at me all you want for taking the easy way out, its normal. im so so sorry. my hands are shaking while writing this, im scared of failing. karl i want to write to you especially. karl i really care about you i do, its just you cant help me. it wont work. i love you and please dont come with me. i dont want to see you. i dont want to be near you. i want to be out of your sight. thank you for all of the amazing memories, i wont forget them. i want you to move on and be happy, dont think about me all the time.  im running out of the page even thougu ive made my hand writing really small. i don have muc tim im           help i dont want to di  i

There was just scribbles after that.. I was sobbing so much I couldn't even breath. My heart felt like it had been stomped on several times and thrown away. Tommy and Wilbur had been reading the note from over my shoulder, they were crying too.

He didn't want to die..

That's what hurt the most. regret.

everyone i've ever known has felt regret from trying or killing themselves.

I just regret not stopping them.

I didn't even want to look at his body again, until I saw his bracelet slipping off his wrist. that hurt.

I pulled off the bracelet slowly, not wanting to touch him. I stared into the bracelet in my palm, it still had everyones colors. "Why did you.." I put my head down and cried more.

"I-Is that .. the bracelet I made him?.." Wilbur stuttered. I nodded.

I dialed 911, I didn't want to see him anymore. I wanted to see him actually here, his body is nothing more then a taunt. I'd do anything to see him smile again.

"Hello? what's your emergency?" A women over the phone asked.

"My.. boyfriend killed himself. He's dead."

"Oh god I'm so sorry, i'll send paramedics over immediately."

Once the paramedics got here we were ordered to get out of the room. I laid my head against the cold table. I wanted to punch someone. Something. Anything. It all happened so fast. Sapnap left and Quackity died in the same fucking day. I hate this feeling.

I don't think Wilbur and Tommy have experienced death like I have. They were still crying, my mind felt numbed to a point where my eyes were bone dry. I didn't need to cry anymore.

The loud sirens didn't make my irritation and sadness better, it just annoyed me more. I kept the note in my pocket and the bracelet on my wrist.

We weren't aloud to go into the room probably for a long time. I don't want to see his body again, I don't want to have a funeral, I just ughh I don't want this on my
mind.

Everything is fucked. I fucking hate my life and i've lost hope in any recovery. There's always gonna be an issue about SOMETHING and I shouldn't have to deal WITH EVERYTHING! I just want to run away and not take responsibility for anything.

But I have to. I will always have to.

I don't want people to suffer because of me. If I leave Wilbur and Tommy are in for it.. They are only 15! They can't even go to school because their dad. I want this all to be over with.

"Karl.. I'm so sorry." Wilbur came in.

I sighed, "It isn't your fau-" I paused. When I turned around he was sobbing, he had a half finished bracelet in his hands.

"I- uhm.. What is that?.." I asked.

"I- I don't want to pour salt on the wound bu-but.. This was a uhm.. bracelet I was specifically making for- for Quackity.. since he liked the last a lot. I wanted you to have it.." He held out the blue and yellow beaded bracelet.

"Oh, Wilbur.." I hugged him tightly and he cried into my sweatshirt.

"I miss him so much." He exclaimed.

"I do too.. You aren't alone." I teared up while staring blankly at the wall.

This is devastating.

"I.. Re-really cared for him.. He helped me through so much." Wilbur vented, it felt a little good to know that he had the same feelings as I did.

I wish Sapnap was better. I wish I was better. And then fucking Sapnap just LEAVES without talking to me?! It isn't fair.. Nothing is ever fair.

"Karl?"

"Oh- Ye-yeah?" I flinched a little.

"How are we supposed to just.. Move on? It's back to You, Tommy, and I again.." He asked.

"God.. I don't even know. I don't think I'll ever be able to move on."

"You have to at some point!?" Wilbur shouted.

"No I do NOT." I raised my voice.

He looked scared, "So-sorry.." He looked to the side, breaking eye contact. I don't have to move on if I don't want to.

"It's gonna take awhile to move on, Wilbur. Don't rush us or yourself." I told Wilbur to have some patience.

"Yeah.. rush.." He pouted.

I looked at his melancholy expression. The cold fan blew his hair in his face, the silence was too loud.

"I'm gonna go talk to Tommy." He said sternly as he walked away from me.