The Resident

Chapter 28

JANEL'S POV:

Today had been the GREATEST day with Ian, we've ever had. I know, I say that every time we have a wonderful day together. But somehow, those greatest, perfect days keep getting topped.
And I can't picture how any other day could possibly top this one. There's no way. This had GOT to be the top day, ever. I'm telling you.
From waking up in his bed he slept in as a kid, in his room in his parent's house, to his mom's wonderful family breakfast, to the nice ride through his town and into the countryside to his very own house that he bought with his music money. To exploring this awesome house, and many acres of property, to taking a leisurely walk and having a picnic in the horse field, to hanging his first decoration of his new house...the horseshoe, to the romantic dinner and dance on the kitchen floor, watching the sun set in the loft of the barn.....
This beat ANY romantic movie I'd EVER seen. And to think, I was convinced I'd never ever experience anything like this in life. To think that someday I had planned to give up on life, when I couldn't take the loneliness anymore.
Everything was absolutely perfect about this day. NOTHING was wrong. NOTHING.
And all day, I had in the back of my mind, that at some point tonight, I would NOT be a virgin anymore.
And I was scared as HELL!!!! I won't dare tell Ian that, because he'll stop the whole thing. I know him.
But I'm just scared that it will hurt. I don't know why, because everytime he goes near there, or even a tiny bit inside, it feels SOOOOO good. But still.....I'm nervous.
And, I think I've realized why Ian insisted I wait, now. I think I know what he meant all along.
I don't think I was ready, like I thought I was. I wasn't sure exactly what sex really was. I just wanted to do it. And now, that I know....I'm kind of scared. Like....I've managed to keep my cherry all this time! Through all that had happened to me, even a few months ago, in LA....I've somehow kept it in tact!
And now, tonight, after the perfect day, it will be gone. And it makes me kind of sad!
Like...I'll finally "become a woman" in the last way possible.
He's going to take my cherry. My last little bit of innocence.
And I'm glad he made me wait, now. I understand what he meant. He's a fucking genius. He's the most thoughtful guy on the entire PLANET.
He's gone without sex for an entire year, just to wait for me.
Sometimes I can't believe that. I have a hard time believing it. I mean...he's a rock star! He's famous! Girls LOVE him. They're ALL ready to have sex with him, if he'd just let them. He could have 10 girls at once if he wanted.
But he waited all this time, after being sexually active for over 9 years....he took an entire year off, just to give me the chance to catch up on growing up and learning what a relationship is. Learning that he WON'T leave me. Learning what it is to touch someone, and that there's sooo much more in a touch, than just heat and physical contact. Learning how to love. Learning how to please a man. Learning how a man pleases a woman. Learning to trust. Learning to please mySELF, even!
What a year it's been! I've done ALL my living in this ONE, single year. My life STARTED when I met Ian. And I love him. And I can't wait for him to take my virginity. I can't wait to give it to him. I realize now, it's not just something you give away, because you feel like it. It's something special. And it should be given to the right person, and in the right circumstance.
When I almost lost it to a terrible person, in a horrible circumstance in L.A, I hid from Ian, just how upset I was after. He was upset enough, so I acted like I was ok with it all. I acted like "it happened, I'm still a virgin, get over it".
But I was soooooooo upset inside. I had finally taken Ian's word for it, and stopped bugging him about having sex, and I had finally started realizing what virginity meant, and someone came along and almost took it from me, when it was supposed to be my gift to Ian. I knew he wanted my virginity for himself. He wanted to be the one to break it. Be the one I trusted and loved enough to let take it away from me. And I wanted him to be the one to do it. It became special to me, just as Ian told me it was.
I cried several times, when Ian wasn't around, thinking of that close call at that party. A few times, he asked me if I had cried that day, because my eyes didn't recover fast enough from being red and puffy. But I had weasled my way out of it, with some stupid excuse. But I'm over it now. It DID happen, and I still WAS a virgin, and I'm over it.
And now, soon, Ian and I will make love for the first time.
I love him. I truly love him so much.