The Resident

Chapter 37

IAN'S POV:

I woke up earlyish. Janel had no clocks anywhere in the apartment, and since my phone was in the other room, I had no idea what time it was. I couldn't even guess. The sky was gray outside, so I couldn't get a hint from the lighting of the sun.

Seeing Janel when I opened my eyes was a dream come true. It took me a second to get conscious, but when I realized that I was most likely in bed with Janel, my eyes exploded open to see if I was right.
And I was. There she was. The woman who held my heart in her hands, and could either squeeze it till it popped and deflated, or she could press it into her chest, and join it with her own heart, so they were both one together.
I had no fucking CLUE which one she'd chose to do. But if I could just be near her, I'd settle for waiting, and take in every second of life with her that I could get, just in case my time to be with her ended.

I watched her sleep. She seemed content now. Not like last night. Man, she was loud! I wondered how many neighbors she'd woken up. What a horrible night terror that must have been. Poor girl.
I looked down because I saw a lump of skin. Yeah, her tit was hanging out of the top of the cover.
God, how badly I wanted to touch it. I'd have to settle for just staring at it. What a beautiful tit it was, too. A perfect tear drop shape.....full and perky....
I had to stop. I couldnt. It was too much. I gently pulled her cover up over her tit, and put it out of my mind. I wondered if this would be like before, when I couldn't touch her.
I SOOOO didn't want to be back at that point again.
But....I wanted to be with her, so I'd have to play whatever game her brain was tricking her into playing. She loved me. She wanted me. Why couldn't she just BE WITH ME????? Then, when we finally found out who fucked up our lives like this, she'd know it was all nothing.
I was tired of beating a dead horse on that subject. She just wouldn't believe me. And it was starting to look like she never would. EVER.
I felt a twinge of sadness settle into my belly.
And Janel opened her eyes and looked right at me.

"Why are you in here Ian! I told you.....I.................WHY, Ian? Why are you doing this to me? You said you'd be here to help me! Not try and get with me every second!" she yelled at me.
"Babe...you had a bad dream last night. I woke up to you screaming at the top of your voice! I came in and woke you up, and you cried on my chest, and fell asleep there. So l layed you down and layed next to you." I told her the story.
"Why didn't you just go back to the couch?" she said coldly.
"BeCAUSE, your nightmare consisted of you screaming "Ian, please don't leave me, I love you", over and over and over, thank you very fucking much. And if you don't believe me, knock on a neighbor's door. I'm absolutely SURE they heard it. Probably the entire apartment building heard it." I lost my patience a little. I had to NOT do that, or I'd ruin all my chances of being here, and winning back her love. Fuck. It just bothered me so damn much that she WANTED ME, but wouldn't let herself HAVE me!! DAMMIT JANEL!!!! I just wanted to shake her silly, till her brain rattled around and clicked into the right mode, and forgave me. For nothing.

"I said that?" she asked.
"No. You SCREAMED IT. Over and over. And over." I answered, sarcastically.
"Well someone's a grumpy asshole today. You can leave if you want to. I'm not having a nightmare NOW." she scolded me. This was NOT working out. I HAD to be patient and not let my frustrations come out.
"I'm sorry Janel. I don't want to leave. Please, don't tell me to. I'm just so frustrated that you KNOW you love me. You KNOW you want me. You say it when you're drunk. You say it in your sleep. But YOU just won't let yourself be happy and HAVE ME, when I'm right here, with open arms, waiting, hoping, dying inside, trying to hold in all the love I feel every second for you, and I'm not allowed to give it to you. I'm just a little frustrated.
By the way, I covered your tit that was hanging out earlier.
Cause I wouldn't want to touch my girlfriend, or anything. She doesn't WANT to be touched." I was failing, and epically.
I got up and left the room. I had to stop. I had made love to Janel last night. I slept with her in bed. In my arms. This is MORE than what I thought I'd get, and here I was, all pissed off and irritated?
She was gonna kick me out in the freezing cold if I didn't get a handle on myself.
Maybe I couldn't do this. Maybe I couldn't be here for her. Maybe I couldn't be this close to her, and NOT be WITH her. Maybe I couldn't handle this. It was maybe too much for me to take.
I found myself pacing back and forth in the kitchen. Fists shaking in the air, taking deep stress relieving breaths in, and blowing them out slowly. I was fucking losing it. What the fuck was wrong with me? I guess there's only so much I can take, before I blow up.