The Resident

Chapter 2

Janel's POV:

I watched Ian rush away. He was so handsome. And so nice. All I could think is, will I ever see him again. I certainly hoped so. But I knew in my heart, that I probably wouldn't. Why would he come back? I'm nothing. I'm nobody. I'm just a lost girl in a group home. I have nothing to offer anyone. And I'm not normal. I have nothing going for me.
But I hoped I'd see him again. There's always that stupid hope, that I try not to let get out of control in my mind. But sometimes, you just can't help it but HOPE.
Stupid hope. Always hurts me in the end.

If he DID come back to see me, that would also be bitter sweet. Because then I'd get to be with him more, but I'd get attatched. And sooner or later, he'd leave one day and never come back again. Just like Greg. The only other person to ever talk to me for longer than 10 seconds. He befriended me in the park one spring day. I was sitting on someone's body heat spot on a bench, and he came and sat next to me. He started talking to me, and even though I was awkward, silent, and slow to talk, he kept talking to me.
And the next day when I walked to the park, he was there, on the same bench, waving me over to sit with him. And the next day.....and the next......
For a month or so I'd see him at the park. And we'd talk and walk around the park for hours. When it was rainy, we'd sit in a stone tunnel under one of the walking paths and talk. He talked a lot. More than me. He always said "I need to talk today."
The staff at my home noticed a change in me soon, too. They were so happy to see me happy. To see me coming out of my shell. To see me having something to look forward to each day.
It was the best time in my life, ever, up to that point. The first time I realized life could be a little bit fun. Life could have a reason.
And then one day, he didn't show up at the park. I sat on a bench waiting, and he just never came.
I waited for hours.
And the next day....no Greg again.
And every day for 10 days, I waited for hours, sitting on the bench. Walking around, but sticking close to the bench in case he showed up. And when it rained, I waited in the stone tunnel on the two huge rocks Greg rolled over for us to sit on.
The staff started to notice my sadness right away, even though I tried to hide it. I didn't want to be that sad girl to them again. I liked them seeing me happy. Seeing me sort of normal. I didn't want to go back to what I was before. A girl, lost in the world, with nothing.
But eventually, that was what I became again. Only a little worse now, because of the hurt. The mourning. The loss of the only friend I'd ever had.
At first, I worried about him. Maybe he was dead or something.
Then I saw him one day, walking down the street. He was walking with a girl. And they were holding hands. Just like the happy people in the park.
It was a horrible feeling inside. Now I knew why he never came back to see me. And that feeling felt worse inside than when I thought he was dead. At least he could have said goodbye. At least.....

I shook off the pain I started to feel as I remembered how people just leave you. And how I knew that if Ian came back, he'd do the same thing. Maybe soon. Maybe later. But eventually, I'd hurt again. And it would be horrible. A horrible lonely sadness.
Maybe I don't want Ian to come back, now that I'm thinking about it. Maybe if he comes back, I'll stay in my room. That's probably a better idea. Why put myself through this again? I already know how it ends. Everyone leaves for some reason.
My real parents. They left me. My adoptive parents. They left me, even though I was glad. I was still left all alone in this life. Greg. And Marcus. Marcus will be back someday, I hope, but he still left. And when he's gone, I have no one. Marcus is another resident here. He's my age, and his story is sort of the same as mine. Only he wasn't found in the woods. He was taken away from abusive parents when he was 14.
And somehow, he ended up here. This is where we went to school together. They put us both in the same grade, because we were so alike. Slow. We didn't know as much as other kids our age, so we had to be in lower grades than we should have been in. So no one wanted to be our friend. But we had eachother, until school was done. It was a special school, but still no one liked us.
At the home, we stuck together most of the time. When Marcus was having good days, that is. He had a lot of bad days. Days when he wouldn't come out of his room. Days when he'd lay in bed and cry from morning till night. Days when he'd act out and become uncontrollable and have to be locked in a special white room with cushiony walls and floor. Those days made me sad for him. And for me.
But on the good days, they were good days. We'd sit together in eachother's rooms, and watch movies. TV. Listen to music. We didn't say much, because we didn't have much to say in life. But just being together was nice not to be lonely. Marcus didn't like to be touched, either. So we were perfect friends.
But a month ago, Marcus got transferred to somewhere else. I knew he was going, but they took him earlier than they had said they would, and I was out walking around when he left. So I didn't get to say goodbye to him. He didn't want to go. He was scared. But they told him it would help him feel better and have more good days. I can't wait until he comes back. IF he comes back.
Or he'll just be another person who left me.
Just like Ian will.
And George. A staff member. He was a caretaker here for 2 years. He was a black man. And he was my favorite staff person. He was funny. He always joked with me, even though I never laughed. I'd smile though. And for him, that was enough. He knew I was laughing inside. He was the one who gave me my radio. Because of him I discovered music. He said he got a nicer system, so I could have his old one. He taught me how to use it. He taught me to dance, also. Fast, slow, silly, serious...
He'd come visit me every day after his rounds. He was always happy. Always in a good mood.
It wasn't just me he'd visit and make happy, of course. He made every resident here happy. He visited everyone. He made everyone smile and laugh. Even the other staff.
But then one day they said his sister from another state was sick, so he had to go and take care of her. So he left. It was a sad time for everyone here in the group home. He said he'd come back and visit when he could. But it's been a year already. I hope he's doing ok. I hope we see him again.