The night he took me away

Chapter 33

Ava

     Three months later...

    The days felt endless. And the emptiness in me remained since the day he left me. I'm still trying to remind myself that this is the life I want. That this is the life I always asked for.
    But my soul got attached to him and I feel like he owns it. And simply when I try to forget him I can't because every time I look at myself in the mirror my small belly reminds me of what he left me. Not only a broken heart...but the outcome of a true love that wasn't meant to be real.
      My physical neither my mental health are favorable during my pregnancy. I've been trying my best to eat more even when I'm not hungry or some kind of exercise even when I don't have enough energy or motivation to do it.
      The only thing that relaxes me during the hard times is sitting near the shore meanwhile, I gently caress my belly.
      A part of me was consuming my hope that maybe one day he could come back. He would sit or stand in the middle of the room asking for forgiveness for the mistake that he has done. Promising that he was going to be a good father once he realizes the girl he needs to take care of.
A girl. Wouldn't that be nice?
My woman intuition makes me believe it's going to be her. A beautiful brunette girl with big caramel eyes like the one I used to dream about.
She will live freely like I always wanted to when I was younger. She won't need to beg for permission to go outside and run, meet friends, eat anything...she will see the world just like it is. Beautiful yet dangerous. Just like his father is.
I sigh after finally washing all the dirty dishes. I look around and bit my lip at the memory invading my mind. The illusion. The idea of him smiling and kissing me deeply.
I'm taken back to reality by a slight pain in my waist causing me to gasp and breath deeply.
"Yeah, mommy should forget your daddy and leave this place. Will you like that?" I tilt an eyebrow and finally sigh in relief once the pain fades.
I wish I could have my mom here.
I don't know anything about pregnancy except for the things I've researched on the internet. But being a mother doesn't terrify me.
It's the loneliness that I feel.
Who is going to soothe me when I need to? Who is going to be there when I give birth? Who is going to be there to welcome me once I get home?
No one.
Before I found out that I was expecting a baby, I thought about returning with Matteo. But how can I? I don't love him the way I used to.
If one day we face each other, I will feel like I'm staring at a stranger. A stranger I once loved. Perhaps the feelings may surge if I spend time with him...
No. I can't do that to him. I can't use him just for comfort. Or just because I'm scared to be lonely.
"I guess you will be the one that will fill that void in me, " I say softly once I sit in one of the couches in the living room. After grabbing my thick blanket and covering myself, I began changing the channels of the wide TV in front of me.  My eyes felt heavier and with each blinking, I slowly closed them. Tiredness finally taking over me...
      That night I slept deeply as I have never done before. And for an instant, I felt safe. There were no thoughts, feelings, or actions. It was just...nothing. I felt like I was floating in space just like Kiara floats inside of me. 
     But hours later I got woken up by the car crash scene in a movie, making me jump at the sound. With a slow move, I rose from the couch and left upstairs. The calmness and loneliness went through me once I laid back on my bed. My muscles tensed at the slight pain on my belly making me flinch again.
      Oh to be a mother...
     I began to relieve tension when I remembered his voice. It was his way to call me that made me smile before I got to sleep.

    "Angel."

  The word felt like a whisper that caressed me gently in every inch of my skin. My heartbeat increased at the hallucination of him, and it felt promising.

It may feel good for now but Is that how is going to be? Will our memories be enough to keep me going? Will it?

    "Love you, Angel."

Maybe.