HEART SHAPED MUGS

( sskk ) i'm sorry .

lol sskk angst bc i said so, also

i cant feel anything lol 

also i hope you guys cry <3

apologies were always a sensitive topic for him, akutagawa didnt know how to apologize. he hadn't ever been apologized too so he couldnt learn. he didnt know that what he said to others may hurt them more than they would let on. he didnt know that insulting people wasnt how you showed love or appreciation. he didnt know because thats what he was shown and he took it as love, he took it the kicks as the touch he craved so much.

but when atsushi came around he knew something was wrong. atsushi didnt hit him when they saw each other after a long time. akutagawa didnt know what those soft touches were, he didnt know what was happening when atsushi said the words he had only heard from gin, 'i love you'. he didnt know that it hurt atsushi when he hid away for months.

he didnt know that going on a mission and disappearing for five months only to come back i n critical health made atsushi devastated. he didnt know why atsushi couldnt look at him with out crying. however he did know that atsushi visited him more than anyone else, he knew that atsushi would cry himself to sleep while holding akutagawa's hand. he did know that dazai practically had to carry him out of the room when he had to go back to work. he did know that atsushi had ran away from agency to see him.

"you should apologize to him, hes really worried." akutagawa didnt know what to do. he was beyond scared. he had made atsushi upset? back when he was being train by dazai making him upset meant a punishment. but that hadn't happened. the next time atsushi came into the room it was even quieter than before. he didnt bother to speak when he sat next to akutagawa and reached out to grab to others hand. 

they stayed like that till a doctor came in to check up on akutagawa. neither of the pair knew akutagawa's current condition all they knew was that he was okay for right now. they didnt know the critical condition the other was in. they didnt know about the depleting time akutagawa had left. they didnt know what was happening between them. they ddint know about atsushis mental health that was now even worse than before.

"i-im sorry jinko..." it was the first time he had spoken in weeks. atsushi's head wipped around to look at him, tears collecting in the corner of his eyes, "its okay." that night atsushi only moved to rest his head kn the bed. akutagawa however moved to play with the others hair, he didnt know why but this felt like the end of something wonderful.

it in fact was the end. it had been only minutes after atsushi left for work. the news had spread to the agency around lunch time. "dazai this isnt a very funny joke." it was so quiet you coult hear a pin drop. "this is a joke right?" a sad sigh was heard, "im sorry atsushi it isnt..." screams. loud ear tearing sad screams. he was excused to he could go see him. well his body that is. but it didnt help not one bit. he held his cold limp hand as a comforting hand rubbed his back.

"i apologize deeply." but that didnt bring him back. nothing would.

i cannot feel anythingggg

lol skk and ranpoe angst next besties

also i was crying to entire time so 

if there is any spelling mistakes im sorry