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based off the song,
francis forever by mitski!
angst ig? idk.
dazai sat in his usual spot on chuuya's bed, said red head being fast asleep next to him. his fingers skimmed the pages of the book before he turned the page again. it was a really boring book. a soft snore emitted from chuuya as he moved around in his sleep trying to get comfortable. dazai ,of course, had managed to pick the lock while chuuya was having dinner which resulted in him staying till chuuya went to bed.
this was normal, he would have dinner with the read head, stay the night, and leave before chuuya woke up. his eyes scanned the room till he found a notebook, it looked old. he carefully got out of the bed and walked towards it. he opened it to see the first page, it was covered in doodles that 15 year old chuuya had definitely made. he decided this would be enough to entertain him till he had to leave.
he got back into the bed next the the still asleep chuuya. after pulling the covers up a bit he opened the note book, it was filled with poems. now it was no secret chuuya loved poems, he in fact had gotten him a book of poems for his birthday which the red head was very excited about. oh, he sighed softly as he read the first one,
' i don't know what to do with out you,
i don't know where to put my hands,
i'm been trying to lay my head down, but
i'm writing this at three a.m '
and the next one,
' i don't need the world to see that
i've been the best i can be,
but i don't think i can stand to be
where you don't see me... '
he looked over to chuuya who had the blanket bunched up by his face, he looked cold. his hand reached out to run his fingers through the soft hair. he heard a soft sigh escape the others lips as he leaned into the touch. right then and there was when his heart broke into about a million pieces. how could he have not seen it sooner. chuuya was hurt by his disappearance.
he was probably also hurt that in just four years he had managed to build a new family, a family with out him. thats when it dawned on him, those words that chuuya said so many nights ago was what he was so scared of, 'so what am i?! a second fucking choice?!' he shook his head as if he was trying to rid himself of those thoughts, he kept reading.
' on sunny days i go out walking ,
i end up on a tree-lined street
i look up at the gaps of sunlight ,
i miss you more than anything . '
his eyes saddened at the dried tear drop on the paper. he felt the other stir next to him, a groan was let out before he cuddled into a pillow. dazai sighed before turning the page.
' and autumn comes when you're not yet done
with the summer passing by, but
i don't think i could stand to be
where you don't see me '
he couldn't take it anymore, he shut the notebook and placed it on the bedside table. he carefully wrapped his arms around the sleeping male and rested his head on the pillow, still the sudden movement woke chuuya up, "eh? what time is it fucker?!" he looked drunk out of his mind, well drunk off exhaustion that is. he wasn't even fully awake when he cuddled back into dazai's embrace which made the other smile softly.
he placed a kiss on his forehead, " i'm sorry chuuya." that night he did stay, it was his way of saying he wasn't going to leave again.
