Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
based of the song nobody by mitski and
the fact that i'll never be able to accept love
bc i dont trust anyone who says the words
'i like you' or 'i love you' bc i literally
don't understand why they would love me 😁
thsi is apart of my 'how can i make a call for
help without admitting i need help' series
which other oneshots are apart of it?
you'll never know 🤷♂️
he sat by the window, his knees pressed to his chest as rain pattered against the window. a soft melody played in the back. he leaned his head on the window as he whispered the words to the song, "my god im so lonely, so i open up a window..." he winced as he felt his stomach turn. he hated this feeling. this feeling of never ending darkness. maybe he wasnt cut out for this. he didn't deserve to be in the hunting dogs or the port mafia.
he didn't deserve to be here. he didn't deserve the love that gin so kindly gave to him. even though he loved her more than anything. he treasured her so much to the point he thought it was bordering on obsession, but he was reassured by a certain red head that he just had deep feelings for the girl.
but still, it wasnt right. because one day she would realize, tachihara didn't deserve love, and she would leave just like everyone else. "to hear sounds of people, to hear sounds of people." he could feel his face warm up from the tears that fell. he didnt want her to leave. not when she was one of the only things he had left. "venus planet of love, was destroyed by global warming." he sighed shakily as he dug his fingers into his knees, stop it. she loves me.
what a bunch of lies.
he knew lying to himself would make it worse but all he wanted was to cherish these moments with her. her beautiful smile that he got to see daily. he let out a choked sob, "did its people want too much to? did its people want too much?" he curled up farther into himself trying to quite his cries, no on wnats to hear it.
"and i dont want your pity i just want somebody near me." one of his hands traveled up to grip his hair. he didnt want to hear his own thoughts anymore, he just wanted a bit of peace and quiet. even if it was for a little bit. just a little bit would be fine. but not everyone gets what he wants. he could only hear the yelling and crying. "guess im a coward i just want to feel alright." you could barely hear him as the rain fell harder against the window.
"and i know no one will save me i just need someone to kiss." his face felt cold against the window. he watched as the rain drops raced down it. " give me one good honest kiss and ill be alright." he truly had nobody, he wasnt ever going to. he was always just a second choice to everyone. he knew he would never be what anyone wanted. so he would stay for however long gin needed him.
he didnt care as long as she was happy, "nobody, nobody, nobody...."
he remembered when how smart he was didnt matter, he remembered when he didnt have to fake this happiness. it was a faint memory but it was there. it hurt, so damn bad. he choked back a sob as he hid his face in his hands. someone, help. he wanted to scream, he wanted to yell. but nothing came out. "ive been big and small and big and small and big and small again."
he sighed softly, "and still nobody wants me." he knew the fake love too well. in fact it was like the back of his hand. he ugly scarred hand. that same hand he used to kill people. he truly was a monster. he hated himself for everything he did, for god sake he just wanted to avenge his brother!
"still nobody wants me..." his voice was barely audible now. but if you could hear it, it would probably tear your heart out. his eyes looked dead now. his brother would hate him now right? that was okay but if gin were to hate him, he was sure his whole life would fall apart. he wanted her the hold him again. he wanted to tell her everything. but he couldn't. "and i know no one will save me."
he looked up hazily, "im just asking for a kiss." at this point he didnt care if the love was fake. he craved affection, "give me one good movie kiss, and i'll be alright." he needed to feel loved.
please. he just wanted to go home, he didnt care anymore he just wanted to feel that warm sensation that he's only ever felt a few times. he wanted to be held, he wanted someone to understand. "hello, mr. tachihara?" he sighed as he got up wiping his tears to answer the door.
his feelings could wait another month or so. after all its not like they mattered.
