The Coffee Shop (Hamilton Lams Modern AU) **IN EDITING**

Chapter 18

T/W - depression, self-harm, blood

Both POVs

I woke up the next morning to find myself in John's room, being closely snuggled by him. I didn't feel as sick as I did yesterday, which was great, and I could tell from the sunlight that was pouring in through the windows that it had stopped raining. I carefully got up, not wanting to wake John, and went into the kitchen. "Hey guys," I mumbled. I still felt really shy around Herc, but I was getting kinda used to it. They both muttered their hellos, not wanting to speak for some reason. "Alexander, mon ami, did you perhaps hear anything coming from our room last night?" Laf asked. "No, I was out cold last night. Why?" Both of them blushed and looked away, and that's when I realized why they were asking. "Never mind, I don't need to hear details," I muttered. Laf then slid me a plate of pancakes and everything else just kinda left my brain for a second. "Thanks! I'm starving, I forgot to eat yesterday," I said with my mouthful. "Forgot to eat? I don't think someone can forget to eat, Alexander," Laf told me. "Well, I woke up late yesterday, and I didn't eat anything when I went to class, and I spent the evening passed out on the couch or throwing up, so I didn't eat anything yesterday," I explained, listing everything I can remember from yesterday off on my fingers. I quickly devoured the rest of the pancakes and was asking for seconds before Laf and Herc could even start eating.

I groaned as I woke up to the sun pouring into my room. Wait, where's Alex? I wondered. I guess he's already awake. I was about to leave my room when I heard my phone start ringing. I glanced over at the screen to check who was calling me, but when I did, my entire body filled with fear. Why is he calling me? Did I do something? I don't think I did, I mean, I haven't spoken with him since Herc left or something, I thought nervously, picking my phone up and answering it. "H-hello, father. H-how nice t-to hear from you," I stammered. "Don't stutter, Jonathan. I'm only calling to tell you that someone has charged me with child abuse. Do you by any chance know who this is?" I was stunned. I thought Alex said he would wait- then again, I don't think he'd have much patience, this is his first case. "No, sir. I don't know who could've done it. And it wasn't me, sir." My dad had always insisted I refer to him as 'sir' for some reason, and I never wanted to upset him in case he lashed out. "Are you sure you don't know?" he asked as if he were interrogating me. "Yes sir," I replied, keeping my voice calm and firm so he wouldn't suspect that I was lying. "Alright. I also would like you to know, and please pass this message along to your sister, that your siblings and I will be in New York in a few days. We will be staying at a hotel, and I will give you the address which you are to forward to your sister as soon as you receive the message with it. Understand?" He's coming here?! I'm in for one heck of a time. "I understand, sir. Thank you for calling me." He hung up after that. And that's when it started. The voices in my head. Useless. Your own father doesn't even care for you. He never has. Your siblings? They probably hate you too. I bet even Alex is faking that he cares. Nobody would ever even think about loving someone like you. I got up and opened one of my desk drawers, searching for something I hadn't used in a while. I finally found what I needed. A blade. I'd taken it off of a pencil sharpener by undoing the screw with some scissors when I first moved in. I had a few, just in case I ever lost the one I'd been using. I rolled up the sleeves of my pajamas and looked at all my scars. I ran the blade across my arm, reopening several scars and causing blood to drip down my arm. I did the same to my right arm, making sure both of them were covered in these cuts. I was crying, and I didn't want anyone to know that I'd done this, so I stayed in my room, letting the sleeves of my favorite pajamas get soaked with blood.