The Coffee Shop (Hamilton Lams Modern AU) **IN EDITING**

Chapter 21

Alexander's POV

1 Hour Later

"That was the longest hour of my life," I said to John as we walked back to the car. "I have to deal with this every week. You see why I hate it there?" he asked. "A little. She was asking you questions after everything you told her. I don't think that part was helpful." He nodded. "It feels like an interrogation to me," he told me. "Although, I think it's helping you. You seem calmer," I replied. "And is there anything else I should know about you? Like any other triggers you might have?" He stopped for a second. "Yeah, there are a couple things.." he mumbled, his voice trailing off as he got into the passenger side of the car. I sat down in the driver's seat, started the car, and pulled out of the parking spot. "For starters, my mom died when I was around 13. They said it was from complications after my sister was born. You see, my baby sister was my mom's fifth kid, she had to have a c-section, and, well, my dad would abuse my mom like he did to us kids. That's what I always knew was the main reason. My baby sister was fine, which is good, but I guess you win some, you lose some. Then, there's the fact that my dad sent me to counseling when I was 14 because I thought I had depression. Turns out I was right. The counselor prescribed antidepressants, but my dad refused to have a son who needed pills to function. So, I got the help taken away from me. And this one's less relevant or as dark as the first two, but I kinda sorta hooked up with my best friend on prom night in my senior year. We started dating, but, after I moved here, I broke up with him because a long distance relationship would've been hard to do, plus I don't think he was happy that I moved. But, yeah, that's it." That's.. a lot more than I expected. "Wow. Just wow. Your dad was so cruel that he not only abused you and your siblings, but when you were finally going to get the help and treatment you needed, he took it away?" I asked, retelling myself what happened to let it sink in. "Yep. If I'd gotten the help I needed, I wouldn't be how I am now. And that whole story is mostly why I hate going to therapy," he replied. "There should be a test couples take that determines if they should have kids or not. One person gets one test. If one passes and the other fails, they should see other people and consider having kids with someone else. If they both pass, congratulations, you can have kids. If none pass, they legally can't have kids. If those tests were real, there would be less people like me, people who are scarred for life because of how badly their parents treated them. My mom would've passed, and my dad would've failed." I nodded in agreement, not knowing what to say. "One more question: I know I might touch a nerve, but have you even gone past the cuts on your arms? Like, have you done anything.. worse?" I asked. He seemed to understand what I was saying. "I-.. I actually have. I know you're gonna ask why, so here it is. It was about three years ago, and I don't exactly remember what had happened that day, but I know I was having a bad day. Laf and Herc were out, probably on a date, and I was alone. I remember being very impulsive, listening to all the self-destructive thoughts I was having. So, me being the dumb kid I was, listened to my head and searched the bathroom cabinets for these antidepressants I was supposed to take. I'd been prescribed them by my therapist, although I hated the idea of having to take them, so I never did. This time, I took one, then that turned into five, that turned into ten, then I lost count. All I remember is my arms shaking and my vision being blurry as I set my water bottle down, and I threw up after that. Luckily for me, someone next door had heard a thud, presumably my head hitting the wall after I passed out. They called 911 and I was taken to the hospital. I don't remember anything after that." How is he so calm? If I were him, I'd be crying like he had earlier. "That was.. a lot more than I expected. It wasn't your fault. You said it yourself, you were being impulsive. And how are you so calm when talking about this?" He gave me this sort of sad smile. "I think I'm just exhausted from crying so much earlier, so I can kinda control myself. And I'm not fazed by stuff like this, I've had these thoughts since I was little," he mumbled. I nodded, still speechless. John sat up, looking out the window and then turning to me. "Where are we going? This isn't the way home," he told me. "I decided we could drive around the city, taking everything in. You know, sightseeing. Maybe we could grab a drink tonight. We can do anything, as long as we get home by 12am," I explained. "So, you're gonna take me anywhere I ask you to, as long as it's nearby?" John asked. "Yeah, as long as it's not too expensive," I replied. His face lit up. "Sounds like fun! I think that's a good way to end the day."