Hi! It's Ace/Karma again... so I wanted to write down what happened to me down so that I could gather the details better. I felt it was only fair that since I've talked about it so much that it was fair for you guys to know. And I don't care if you 'didn't think I should've done that' or 'I could've handled it better' or 'I should've told someone'. I was a kid. I didn't understand the severity of the crime. And now I can't talk about it because it brings back flashbacks. And I'm sorry in advance if it doesn't make sense, my mind is a little fuzzy about this whole thing
TW! ATTEMPTED RAPE! PEDOPHILIA! BEING CHASED! BEING BONDED! CHOKING! MENTAL BREAKDOWN!
So, I was around six or seven. It was the first time that I was ever allowed to go to our local park alone. The park is 15 minutes away from our house. It's in the middle of our small town, right near a set of train tracks. I'm not sure, but I think that I saw the man lurking around the park earlier that day when I was with my friends, but this detail may not be 100% accurate.
It was around 4 pm on a hot summer day when my mom told me to come home over a set of walkie talkies. Keep in mind, I had a fear of bearded men ever since I was little.
I decided, like the idiotic child I was, to go through a path near the park that led all the way down to almost the end of the street parallel to mine, a street which my parents always told us to walk on. But, like I said, I was an idiot and thought that I was big and strong enough to go wherever I wanted to.
This is where my memory gets fuzzy.
I think I might've been either at the bottom, halfway up, or at the top of a hill. I heard footsteps behind me. I looked behind me and there was a bearded man, in a black hood, standing right behind me. He pinned me down either to the ground or a tree. I tried to scurry away and managed to escape his grip but he pulled me back.
From what I've observed, given my behavior and how I get these flashbacks, he grabbed my wrists really tight. He held my body together so that I couldn't move. And I'm pretty sure that he choked me until I almost passed out, which might be a part of my fuzzy memory.
I remember his hands grabbing my breast and reaching into my pants. I remember him yelling at me when I started crying.
I'm not sure how exactly, but I think I might've screamed and kicked/punched him in the dick.
I went home like nothing happened. I didn't think that it was a big deal. No one asked so I didn't answer.
The first time I talked about it was when me and my friends were talking about how loud we could scream and how I scared a man away by screaming. Then I started to remember more to the story.
Most of the aftershocks of this cause me to get flashbacks that are really vivid and realistic. I can't even go into that trail anymore. I had to tell one of my friends just to avoid going down there.
Other things are also Claustrophobia (fear of tight spaces), Merinthophobia (fear of being bound or tied up or any movement restrictions), Haphephobia mainly towards men especially with beards (fear of being touched), a fear of being chased, I can't be grabbed too hard on my wrists, I don't like being yelled at since it causes flashbacks.
I also just have a general fear of men at this point. Although most of the time I do present masculinly, I still fear anyone of the male gender even if just a little. Yes, even kids.
Don't be afraid to speak up. Talk to someone before it's too late. If you guys want some tips on how to deal with anxiety, depression, panic attacks, trauma or anything similar, let me know and I could maybe make another chapter with some tips.
It's not all men, but it's enough men to make us afraid and fear for our lives.
Stay safe lovelies ❤
I literally cried while writing this. I don't know if I'll ever have all of the details but if you guys are actually interested then I'll keep you posted if something happens. ❤
