The Fire Unleashed ✔

28. Regret

The room was instantly filled with blood of my dad that splattered everywhere, as his lifeless body slumped against the couch. In less than ten seconds, my once living dad was robbed of his life.

It's not like I wanted to remember all of that all the time, but today, it was hard to run away from those terrors, as I stood in the same spot I stood eleven years ago. Standing in the same house, which I swore to not enter, I was mindlessly trying to torture myself by reliving the scene. It was as if I had returned to a crime scene – a crime I was actually penitent about.

My crime wasn't murder, or being an accomplice, it was cowardice. Cowardice – the only thing dad wanted to keep me away from. And that's precisely what I couldn't get rid of, in the moment he needed me the most. No matter how perfectly I get to exact my revenge, nothing will ever ease the ache, the remorse of not being able to save him in time. The remorse of not being able to do anything would eat me forever.

The thick cloud of my thoughts was cleared away as I heard a delicate voice calling out to me, just like it did in the past.

"Alesso dear, come on. The dinner is ready," The sweet voice of my mamma was enough to make me crack a smile, but I was the fool for thinking I didn't deserve this happiness.

In the past, I had argued with her day and night, even begged her to sell this house which would forever haunt her, but she never listened to me. She simply told me that just like I thought I had duties to fulfill after he passed away, she too, had some responsibilities she couldn't let go of. And one of them was holding onto this house till her last breath. But that's how Sabrina King was, and maybe this trait ran in all of our blood – stubbornness.

"Coming!"

Because I couldn't live in that house anymore, I decided it was time to move out. At the age of sixteen, I moved in with Paul, and learned to take care of myself in every way. Picking yourself up after a tempest destroys everything you that was once dear to you, is harder than we think. Facing more and more difficulties everywhere I went, and putting up a strong front in front of everyone I met, was like a ticking time bomb. You thought that things were going good, but it's only because the bomb hasn't exploded yet. But Paul told me that no matter how hard it is, I should continue to live, because the greatest challenge of life isn't to give up and stop breathing, it is to adjust to all the ups and downs thrown at you, and still emerge victorious.

And I did it – I persevered till I felt it was my last breath, and then I fought some more. Because I came to know that if I killed myself, there won't be one less bastardo in this world, but the beginning of a hundred other scums of the earth because the real problem was still out there living his best life.

"I can already smell the delicious food, mamma. What is the occasion today?" I asked her, feeling gratified by the fact that I still have mamma left. At least she will take care of me.

But her expression dimmed for a second before the smile was back on, "Its... your dad's birthday."

She had spoken so quietly, that if the room didn't have pin drop silence, I wouldn't be able to catch it. But the fact that I had forgotten the birthday of the man I thought about day and night didn't sit well with me. How could I not remember?

She must have seen the expression on my face and gave me a small smile, "Its okay Alesso, it's okay to forget. Now come, sit here. We have a lot of delicious foods to eat."

Taking a seat across from her, I took this chance to really look at her. She looked like she had made peace with her fate, like she had never been sad about it. But I could also see the love in her eyes – in the way she set up my plate with her own hands, and smiled to herself as she probably thought about the good times. And I know that if the love is there, the pain wouldn't be far away. Behind all of this, there definitely is pain – the pain of losing a loved one, the pain of not protecting another loved one, the pain of having to relive all the good and the bad memories as if they were on a never ending TV show.

But she survived, and so would I. Maybe, in the future, I too, would feel like having a wife and kids, because even though ours is a damaged one, it still has its beauty. Maybe I might move on from all the trashy girls I keep meeting consistently, but someday, I will be able to move on, just like mamma, and be at peace with everything that happened, without questioning it like a child.

I turned my full attention towards mamma as we started eating, engaging in a conversation which consisted of talking about all the silly things dad used to do to see us happy.

Yes. I will think of a life like that someday, after this regret finally wears off.