Losing Control: 14

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Dr. Rivera briefly went over the rules again with Liam and Xavier while Aiden tested the hand raising on Zoom.

"Good morning," Dr. Rivera said. "Or afternoon, technically now. Thank you to everyone for scheduling this meeting today."

As the only one here without a choice, I knew that statement didn't apply to me. But I nodded anyways.

"We have an hour," Dr. Rivera continued. "And with nine people sitting before me, that's not a lot of time. I think it would be more beneficial in the future, if we choose to do so again, for us to have split sessions. But today I just want lead a positive conversation and see where this hour takes us."

Taking a sip of the water Sarah had gotten for me, I tried to take in a few deep breaths, to prepare for the inevitable shitstorm.

"I'd like to start with everyone sharing one thing they'd like to be different at the end of this session, " Dr. Rivera said. "I'm not going to call on names, just whenever you're ready, let's talk about a change we want to see."

To no one's surprise, Caden spoke up first. "I'd like for everyone to leave here today on a similar page. I feel like asking for the same page is a lot after one hour, but if we could all get on similar wavelengths."

Aiden's hand rose next. "I'd like to try to ... understand? This is the second round of this we've done, and I'll admit to being one of the people that wrote this off as more of a phase. But as my girls get older and I start to learn more about mental health, I want to leave here today on the same page as everyone else."

"That's copying my answer," Caden said, in a sing-song voice.

"That's adding onto your answer," Aiden corrected.

Dr. Rivera raised her hand. "Thank you, Aiden."

"I would like to leave here today knowing what I can do differently," Mom said, her voice already hitching.

Wincing, my eyes diverted to the floor as I tried not to have to watch her cry. Again. Because of me.

"We only want to support Joel," Mom continued. "So just some clarity on what we can do."

"Adding onto that," Dad said, "knowing what the plan is. Our end, Joel's end, where are we headed this time?"

Silence settled around the room, Ryan's eyes shifting around before he cleared his throat. "Um, okay. My answer is similar to Mom's. Joel spends a lot of time at my house, helping me with my kids, and I'd just like to know how I can best support him both in my home and outside of it."

Sarah slightly raised her nametag. "Are we doing this? Or do I just go ahead and speak?"

A light laughter flitted around the room.

"You can go ahead," Dr. Rivera said.

"After today, what I'd like to be different is the communication aspect. Nothing crazy, but if I ask Joel or my Dad or anyone else here how're they're doing, just more honesty."

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