Suicidal Ideation『Depressed Todoroki』

#2 | Back Home

Home. What is home? A place where you eat, drink, and sleep? Or a place where you feel loved, and spend time with family? If so, Shouto never had a home. He's not sure if he ever will.

He was currently in his dorm room debating whether it was worth feeling all the pain and exhaustion that was his home, or just ending all the pain. It's been a thought that has come across Shoto's mind occasionally, although nowadays, it's been showing up more often.

'You should just end it all. No one wants you here anyways'

No. No, he won't. They don't hate him. They don't. They don't...right?

'How selfish. Staying alive because you want to'

He didn't realize when there was a knock on his door.

"Todoroki-kun?" The person outside said. "It's Midoriya. We're having a movie night! Wanna join?"

He smiled. 'They do want him here'

'They just don't wanna seem rude. They are training to be heroes after all.'

He frowned a bit. He knows he shouldn't believe the voice; It's not real. But he can't find it within himself to disagree. It's right. They are just trying to be nice.

"Sorry, Midoriya-kun. I'm quite tired, I'm gonna head to bed."

"Oh, okay! Maybe next time." And with that, Midoriya's footsteps retreated.

Shouto sighed. He was grateful for how easy it was to lie to Midoriya. He should feel guilt. He lied straight to his face (not exactly), but he doesn't; he doesn't feel a single ounce of guilt. He stood from his bed, opening his door just a crack, and peeked out. Midoriya was gone. He slipped out, heading to the washroom.

Pushing open the door, and avoiding the mirrors, he quickly washed his face. Grabbing his toothbrush, he propped some toothpaste on the brush portion. He gently stroke it against his teeth, and spit the remaining residue of toothpaste in the sink. Looking up, he was met with the mirror. Usually, he would just look away, but something was dragging his attention over to it. He couldn't look away.

Flashback

Shouto sat, staring at the mirror while Fuyumi took care of all his injuries. He stared straight into the eyes of the boy that was staring back. The edges of his body started twisting and turning and the mirror turned black. Continuing to stare, he sees another version of him. Instead, the eyes were dull, void of any emotion at all; he had cuts, burn, bruises all over his body. He was standing in...oblivion? Nothing was there. Suddenly he started to fade. slowly, but surely he was gone. The mirror came back, and it was just Shoto sitting while Fuyumi cared for his injuries. He knew it wasn't him but, could it have been? He couldn't tell if it was real. What was happening?

"Sho? Sho, are you okay?" Fuyumi asked, concern infused in her voice

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

Flashback over

He was snapped out of his trance by the washroom door opening.

"Hey, man! You good?" A certain redhead asked.

Shouto sighed, a bit frustrated that he had to say this for what felt like the 1000th time this week.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just getting ready for bed."

Kirishima seemed to have caught on to his irritated attitude and left it at that.

"Oh, alright!" They stood in an awkward silence before Shouto slipped out of the washroom; and made his way to his dorm.