Suicidal Ideation『Depressed Todoroki』

#15 | Promise I'm Thinking, Overthinking Quite A lot

"Shouto?" There was a pause. "Shouto. Can you hear me?"

His blank expression and dull eyes were concerning. The lack of response would have been frightening for anyone, but the person in front of him wasn't anyone. She had experience with this type of stuff. She is, of course, trained to help people like him.

A therapist.

Also known as one of Shouto's worst nightmares. He did not need a random person meddling into his personal business. He wasn't sure why he had even needed a therapist. The journal was good enough for him. It listened to his problems (not really), and most importantly, didn't comment (obviously, It's not an organism). Was this a punishment? For what?

Aizawa had already found out about his 'showing' in the school washroom with Midoriya. He hadn't seemed exactly mad about that, more concerned.

Hizashi and Aizawa made sure to coddle him. To make sure to know he was loved.

And he appreciated it. Shouto loved comfort, after all. He had craved it. From anyone, really, but he has always wanted it from one person in particular. Endeavor. It was pitiful. But he couldn't help but think if he had just met his father's expectations, he would have gained his love. His father would have been an actual dad. It was stupid. No matter how much Shouto worked, his father always found something to shame him for. Every insult, kick, punch, burn Shouto received chipped away at his pride. Soon, there was nothing but shattered pieces of what used to be Shouto Todoroki.

Who was he? Shouto? Endeavor's son? A failure?

Maybe all of them. Maybe none of them. He wasn't sure. That was what he was trying to figure out. Who did he want to be?

Even if Shouto had no pride left, he would not waste his ounce of dignity on admitting every shameful thought that had ever crossed his thought. As they sat in his room, Shouto decided he was set on keeping his mouth shut.

And so, he looked at the therapist, his mouth pressed in a line.

The therapist didn't seem surprised at the action, instead, she sighed, and introduced herself.

"Good morning, Shouto. My name is Haru Suzuki. Haru is fine. I'll get straight to the point. I will be your therapist from now on. I will also be the one to decide when you are allowed to live under normal conditions again and when your suicide watch is no longer necessary." She said, no emotion being displayed. "Which means refusing to cooperate is not an answer."

Shouto was stunned. She was so...blunt. And that was saying a lot coming from him. He reevaluated her words again. She controlled a lot of his life at the moment. Which meant that him finally being free of constant watch all depended on his cooperation and her choice. Well, he was in quite a predicament.

"Okay." He mumbled.

He was surprised at how quickly he gave in.

"Alright. Now, let's begin."

She waited for him to get comfortable, taking the time to sort her sheets out. She placed a stack on her lap. "I was told you have a long history of self-harm. May I ask when it started?"

Shouto stayed silent, looking down and tracing the floor as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. Haru seemed to give up on getting an answer.

"Alright, I'll come back to that question later. About your suicide attempt, was it spur of the moment or was it planned?"

Shouto wanted to stay silent but he was afraid to test her limit. If he ever wanted to get better, he had to accept the past. Easier said than done.