Suicidal Ideation『Depressed Todoroki』

#13 | Scream And Yell, But I Feel Speechless

Shouto sat in his room, seemingly staring at absolutely nothing. He was embarrassed. But even so, he was scared.

The events of yesterday kept passing through his head.

Flashback

Shouto woke up in Aizawa's car. "What happened?" He asked, his voice groggy from just waking up.

"The problem children called me. Told me you ran away after you saw the news. I tracked you, and found you having a panic attack."

"News?-" Then, it all came rushing back to him. The news. The abuse. Endeavor's trial.

"Woah, calm down kid. Don't want you having another panic attack."

Shouto lowered his head, ashamed. The drive was quiet for a while, before something Aizawa said resurfaced in Shouto's mind.

"Wait, did you say 'tracked'?"

"Come on, you really thought I'd trust you, you may I remind, that went to stop a hero killing maniac without pros, to go with the rest of the problem children? I really expected more from the one of the top 5 in class 1-A." Aizawa answered.

"Is that why you asked for my phone?" Shouto questioned.

Aizawa didn't reply, but Shouto already knew the answer.

"Huh, that's an invasion of privacy." Shouto rolled his eyes.

"There is no such thing as privacy when it comes down to you and the problem children, especially when you all are alone. The last time I left you all unattended, you almost died trying to save the most independent person I've ever met. I'm surprised he even agreed to you all helping him."

Shouto smiled a bit.

Flashback over

Smiling was now the last thing Shouto was doing. He was guessing that what his dad did to him was still all over the news. The keyword 'guessing' because for the past week, he completely ignored all social media.

He did not need to see his dad's hideous face plastered next to a news article that he knew would say something like, 'Endeavor being falsely accused of abuse!'

As if they knew anything about what Endeavor did. They only know him by the fake mask he plastered on when out in the public. Not that the mask hid his dad's ugly nature well, he was still a dick to almost everyone he met.

Shouto started pulling at his hair frustratedly. A habit he picked up on quite a long time ago.

"Calm down. Uh, what to do..." Shouto mumbled, trying to think of any other way to release his stress.

Something then caught Shouto's eye.

His journal.

Aizawa had bought Shouto a journal when he first moved in. Shouto hadn't used it much, but whenever he was thinking of harming himself, or anything to do with suicide, he wrote down his feelings in it. He knew it was weak, and that Endeavor would beat him to hell and back if he ever found out, but Aizawa stated that it would be a good way to help deal with everything. Whenever he used it, shame always filled his being. He hated that he actually felt relieved once he had written everything down.

Shouto walked over to it, picking it up and plopping himself down on his desk chair.

Most of the time when he wrote in the journal, he's too panicked to see what he was writing. He just wrote and wrote and wrote until his hand felt like it was about to break. Then he went to sleep and completely forgot what he had written.