Suicidal Ideation『Depressed Todoroki』

#18 | How Much It Means To Me That You're Trying

This is unedited. If you see any mistakes, please ignore them or kindly correct them in the comments. Thank you.

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Shouto awoke to an added weight located on his chest. Slowly peeling his eyes open, and being met with his cat - Soba - who was snoring softly, was a good way to start the morning. He smiled a bit but quickly frowned once he realized that he needed to get up, but he hadn't the heart to wake Soba as well. Managing to snag his phone without waking the cat, checking the date and time. It was a Saturday - thank goodness, Shouto wasn't sure if he could handle a day in school - but it was way later than he usually woke. Then he was smacked with the knowledge that he had a therapy session today. 

Groaning, he carefully moved Soba so she was lying beside him on the bed, instead of on him. She stirred a bit but otherwise remained asleep. Shouto let out a sigh.

He quickly showered, changed into appropriate clothing, and brushed his teeth. He styled his hair into its everyday look, and escaped the washroom, wandering into the kitchen. Aizawa had been in the middle of scolding a pouty Hizashi, who was complaining about god knows what. Shouto slide into the booth seat beside Hizashi, who had noticed him and ruffled his hair; Shouto subconsciously leaned into the touch.

"How was your sleep, Sho?" Hizashi asked quietly (as quietly as he could for someone as blatant as him).

"Okay, I guess. I've been...feeling better lately." It was the truth. Anxiety attacks still crept upon him now and then, but he felt better than he ever thought possible.

"Oh, really? That's great!"

It was a strange thought. Just a few months ago, Shouto was ready to step off the deep end, allowing his life to come to an end. Anything that held him back vanished, and he just gave up. Not willing to try to be happy with the life he had been given. Even now, when he was with Aizawa and Hizashi, he could feel the phantom burns of hands of fire, and the aching of beatings. But now, he was happy. He allowed himself to be vulnerable (although part of it was that he refused to believe his life could get any worse).

There were a few incidents. Like when Hizashi had started making tea, the whistle of the kettle sent Shouto back to memories he'd rather avoid. Explaining his scar was damaging, and it resulted in nights of sleep terrors. Aizawa and Hizashi took it slow with him, coaxing him from hyperventilations or stopping him from harming himself. Soba helped a lot, though. Both the food and the cat.

Shouto met more with class 1-A, and he was pleasantly surprised to know that they allowed him his boundaries and never crossed them. Midoriya had been the only one who went past said boundaries, but soon after, a few of his classmates did as well. For instance, Bakugou caught him mid panic attack and was able to bring him back. Kirishima witnessed a vomiting session and rubbed his back soothingly while waiting for Shouto to calm down.

He still didn't like being out in public. It was a given, however, since the Endeavor news hadn't quieted down in the least bit. He's gone through many different disguises, only a few of them manage to flee the media's prying eyes.

However, it was hard to be calm recently, because his father's trial was next week, and he really really didn't want to witness his father be let off, scot-free. He wasn't allowed to participate during the trial, considering it was deemed 'damaging' to his mental health. He couldn't really argue though, regarding the fact that most of his anxiety attacks were somehow related to his father. Everywhere he went, Shouto couldn't escape the man.

He talked to his family again. His mother believed that she would be released soon, and Shouto couldn't be happier about the outcome. Her childing rights were still under review, and probably would be for a while until she's deemed completely capable of the care of a child. Shouto is sure she is a great mother, but it wasn't his place to do anything about it. Fuyumi hasn't looked so free in ages. She finally got her own place and is no longer in the near vicinity of Enji or being burdened by taking care of Shouto (she kept reminding him that he wasn't a burden, but he refused to believe that). Natsuo as well looked happier, but he would never be rid of the memories that came with their abuse.

It was a long time coming, but they are finally able to receive the justice and closure they deserve after everything.

Shouto was a bit worried about where he would stay if his father actually did get a sentence (and even if he didn't, would he be going back to live with the man?). He was only with Aizawa and Hizashi temporarily, there's no way they would want to keep someone as messed up as him.

(He tried to ignore the pang in his heart at the thought of not living with the two of them anymore. Seeing their smiles and listening to the ridiculous arguments that had no heat behind them. But every good thing came to an end eventually.)

The doorbell rang, signaling his therapist arrived. Shouto didn't particularly like her, but it was obvious that talking about his trauma had helped him in many ways, so he ignored the dislike he felt for the woman.

"I got it!" He jumped out of his seat before the other two could even attempt to walk towards the door.

Someday, he would reach his road to being happy.

Words: 962

The title is from the song "I Promise I'm Trying", by Cavetown!

I'm back! Sorry for the long wait, and short chapter. I have literally no more ideas, so the next chapter is the last one. Hopefully, I can get it out near the beginning of 2022.

Also, I probably won't be on Wattpad, so HAPPY EARLY CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEARS! I hope you all get everything you want for X-mas and have a wonderful time celebrating with your family!

I love you all!

Have an amazing Morning/Afternoon/Night!

From, __startover