Amidst Uncertainties

Chapter 27

Kill

cw: panic attack, self-harm, mention of kill, mental disorder, drowning. Read at your own risk.

Mukhang aksidenteng naibaba iyong tawag pero nang hindi na ulit nag-ring ang phone ko ay roon na ako naalarma. Agad agad kong sinuot 'yong sapatos ko at mabilis na kinuha 'yong purse ko. Sync, however, was still standing there, looking a bit dumbfounded.

"I-I'm sorry. I have t-to go home," sabi ko at dumiretso na sa may pinto ng unit ni Sync para makaalis. Mukhang natauhan din si Sync dahil narinig kong sumunod din siya sa akin agad.

I was about to open the door when he pulled me by my wrist. "What happened?" nag-aalala niyang tanong. I looked away as I bit my lower lip.

He asked what happened, but I can't tell him anything. I don't want him to know what exactly is going on with my brother, because if he finds out about it and he realizes that I, also, am capable of it, he will leave me. For sure, he will leave me. And I can't... I don't want that to happen.\

"It's my b-brother. He needs m-me home. My father and brother... they b-both need me h-home..." nanginginig kong sagot.

"Hey, hey. Calm down, okay? I will drive you home, baby. You don't have your car with you," sabi niya habang kinakalma ako pero wala iyong epekto.

"Magta-taxi na lang a-ako," sagot ko, nanginginig pa rin.

"You can't. You're not used to riding taxi, so I will drive you home, Ace," he said with finality.

Pumikit ako nang mariin para subukang pakalmahin ang sarili pero wala pa rin. I looked up to Sync and I saw his eyes full of determination to take me home. My heart was beating so loud, and I could feel myself panicking more.

Let him, says the voice inside my head. Let him see what kind of people you and your brother are. I shook my head to erase the voice, but I couldn't ignore it.

"Baby..." tawag ni Sync kaya muli akong natauhan. "Let me take you home, please," he begged.

I have no other choice so I just nodded and he immediately grabbed his keys at siya na ang nagbukas ng pinto at hinigit ako paalis sa condo niya.

I can just tell him not to go with me inside. Pauuwi ko na lang siya agad pagkahatid na pagkahatid niya sa akin. Tama, ganoon na lang.

Lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko simula pa kahapon ay nagsibalikan ngayon at nadagdagan pa 'yon ng pag-aalala at takot. My father wasn't able tell me everything that is happening in our house dahil agad ding naputol iyong tawag. And I have never heard my father became that worried. And it was not just that. He sounded terrified.

And that's when I knew what exactly is going on in hour home. Dahil isa lang ang pwedeng maging dahilan para magkaganoon si Dad. Ashton is losing himself again, for the first time since that day. He's surrendering himself to the voices inside his head... again.

"Wake up, Ace Hailey. I'm here. Your brother is here."

My brother's voice was far away, but I could hear it. I knew I was sleeping. I just don't have any idea for how long. I couldn't remember anything that happened before I fell asleep for a long time. But I could remember my mom's voice. She's calling my name, shouting my name.

"Ace!" my mom called. I could hear waves of water, but it was just a faint sound. "Ace Hailey, anak!" she called again. But there was more to what she's shouting other than my name. She's calling another name, but I couldn't hear it clearly because the sound of the water was getting louder and louder.

And before I could even find out who she was calling at the time other than me, my eyes suddenly opened. I suddenly woke up to the faint sound of my brother crying, calling my name.