Amidst Uncertainties

Chapter 06

Uncertainties

"Nanay Sally was right, Ace Hailey. Minutes after you left that night, Sync also left. He was in a hurry. He did not even tell me where he was going," Ashton explained without looking at me. He was reading some cases. I was not even surprised that he could read and talk at the very same time. Ganyan na talaga siya noon pa lang. 

So it only means that Sync was indeed lying about everything. I couldn't help but feel remorse because of it. I felt so guilty for myself. I was so wrong that I trusted him. I allowed myself to be this close to him and now, all I could feel is shame and anger. I was so frustrated. How can I trust him in the first place? 

Alam ko naman na noong una pa lang ay hindi na mapagkakatiwalaan ang isang 'yon. I knew from the moment I met him that he was indeed an asshole. So why... did I, despite not wanting it, allow myself to trust him? Or do I really not want to trust him? Baka naman sinasabi ko lang 'to to deny the fact that somewhere within me... wanted to trust him so bad. Ugh, even though I hate him so much. 

Nandito pa rin ako sa bahay ngayon at ilang minuto pagkatapos umalis ng lintik na Sync na 'yon ay tinawagan ko si Tinay. Pinadala ko sa kaniya ang sasakyan ko rito para makauwi ako ng condo. Buti na lang pala at doon sa condo namin ni Tinay iniwan ni Tonia ang sasakyan ko. At least tama ako ng tinawagan kanina. 

"Why are you asking me about him?" My brother asked, still not looking up to face me. He was so busy and I felt bad for bothering him right now. 

Bakit 'yong isang 'yon hindi busy, at nagawa pa akong inisin nang sobra? Bwisit talaga!

"It's just that..." I sighed in frustration before continuing. "He's so annoying. He annoys me every time he would see me. Like putangina, Ash, bakit mo ba naging kaibigan 'yon? At bakit kailangan kong magdusa every time nakikita ko siya?" Halos tadyakan ko na ang kapatid ko habang sinasabi 'yon. 

I was seating here on the floor and we were in the living room of our house. Ashton was still busy reading his cases while sitting comfortably on the single couch. I saw him stopped reading for a second and looked at me. Finally, I got his attention. Not that I was desperate for it, though. 

"So what?" He asked like it's no big deal. What the hell? It's definitely a big deal, alright? Kung pwede ko nga lang siyang pakiusapan na 'wag nang kaibiganin ang isang 'yon ay ginawa ko na, but then, hindi ako ganoon ka-immature para... gawin 'yon. Though, I was considering, but... ugh whatever! "Why are making such a big fuss about it?" 

"So what, duh? I hate him. I hate him so much. Why do I even have to deal with him every time we would see each other? Gosh, I hate him." Now, I felt like a child throwing tantrums. Not immature, huh. You are so good at fooling yourself, Ace Hailey. 

I saw Ashton sighed. "Do you?" He asked meaningfully. Afraid that I didn't seem to understand what he meant, I went silent. I stared at him, waiting for him to continue. "Do you hate him?" I mouthed an oh when I finally understood what his first question meant. 

However, I still couldn't answer. It was so easy for me to say it awhile ago, but now... why did it seem harder to answer such an easy and obvious question. I... hate him. I hate him... right? 

"Do you.. really hate him, Ace Hailey?" My brother asked me once again, but it became more difficult for me to answer. "You don't, Ace." My lips parted. He looked away and continued reading his papers. 

Bakit napunta sa ganito? Before, I was so positive that I hate him. I was so positive that I despise him. Because he has this aura that makes me go nuts. He was so good at making everything uncertain for me. After meeting him, all I felt was uncertainty. My life had holes and he was successful at filling those with another holes. He filled those holes with so much uncertainties. I hated him for it.