Amidst Uncertainties

Chapter 19

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I held my chest because I couldn't calm myself down. Nanatili ako roon sa kabilang section pagkatapos marinig iyong sinabi ni Sync. I didn't hear anything anymore after that. Mukhang umalis na silang dalawa.

Bumuntong hininga ako ulit, pero ayaw talagang makalma ang dibdib ko. My heart kept on pounding so fat and it's starting to hurt already. My chest is starting to hurt already. At ang luhang kanina ko pang pinipigilan ay tuluyan nang bumagsak.

I closed my eyes and silently wiped my tears away. I let out a deep sigh again before opening my eyes. However, I was shocked to see Sync in front of me. His dark eyes were so intense and full of anger. Bakit siya pa ang galit ngayon.. gayong siya naman ang nag-deny na may girlfriend siya? I should be the one getting mad and damn it, I really am mad. And fucking hurt.

Iniiwas ko ang tingin mula sa kaniya at inayos ang sarili bago sinubukang itulak ulit iyong cart. Pero hinarangan ako ng gago. Matalim ko siyang tinignan at halos mawala na naman ako sa sarili nang makita ko iyong mga tingin niyang may halong pangamba at takot. Pero hindi ko hinayaan ang sarili kong bumigay.

"Get out of my fucking way," I said angrily while still looking at him with eyes full of anger and indifference.

"No, lady. We'll talk," he said in a very soft voice. I scoffed and bit my lower lip.

"Wala tayong dapat pag-usapan, Sync." I tried to push him but he didn't budge. Instead, he found my elbow and hold onto it tightly.

"You eavesdropped on us." He wasn't asking, but I still nodded.

Ang nakakapagtaka lang ay bakit ako pa ang naging masama sa sinabi niyang iyon. Eavesdropped? Tangina, pasensya, ha kung gusto ko lang malaman kung sino iyong kausap ng boyfriend ko at makasiguro na hindi ako niloloko. Ah, wait.. ex-boyfriend pala, since wala raw siyang girlfriend.

"So kasalanan ko pa?" I asked and laughed bitterly.

"I didn't say that," he said in an argumentative tone.

"I heard what I heard, so we don't have to talk about it anymore. I get it, we broke up after hours of becoming a couple. Or you decided on your own to be single again. But all of it means one thing. Hindi tayo. So, let go of me now and let us just part ways.." Halos hindi na ako makapagsalita nang maayos dahil sa panginginig ng boses ko.

"Ace.." he called softly. His voice held so much eagerness and longing. "I just told her that because-" I cut him off.

"I didn't ask for any explanation, Sync, so you don't have to feel obliged to give me one." Matama ko siyang tinignan pagkatapos ay ngumiti. "Okay lang. Hindi rin naman talaga ako sigurado na totoong nangyari iyong kagabi. Everything was still uncertain for me, so it's okay if you decided that." Huminga ako nang malalim dahil nagbabadya na naman ang luha ko. "You really don't want me, I get that. So, please don't confuse me anymore and just leave me alone."

I tried to leave again and this time, I succeeded. As much as I want to stay mad at him because of what he said to that girl, I couldn't. I'm hurt, yes and I really got mad at first, but eventually.. as I looked at him in the eye, I realized that maybe the one who fell hard was me. I love him, yes but I won't push myself to him if he doesn't really want me.

Mabilis kong tinapos ang groceries at lumabas na ng mall. Ang dami kong dala, so naisip ko na lang na tawagan si Traviano para may mag-uwi sa akin sa condo. Kahit ayaw kong siyang maaba sa kung ano man ang ginagawa niya, I texted him still. Pumayag naman ang kumag at wala raw siyang ginagawa, video games lang.

After mag-intay ng halos 15 minutes ay nakita ko na iyong sasakyan ni Travis. Nag-park siya sa harap ko at mabilis na lumabas ng sasakyan niya. Binuksan niya iyong trunk ng kotse niya bago lumapit sa akin.