A Different Path

Chapter 4 - Making Sense

Criticism spot! :)

Crutchie's POV

I was holding myself up by the railings of Jack's 'penthouse,' desperately trying to walk. I would take a step with my left foot as normal, and then try to use my right foot, but I was never able to put weight on it. I'd begin to do so and pain would shoot up my leg, causing me to lift my foot off the ground. Jack had gone off somewhere a while ago, but I knew he'd be back any minute, so I decided to give up and sit down, not wanting him to see that I had tried to walk.

It had been nearly a week since Jack and I had opened up to one another, and that night caused us to get closer. It still was hard for me to adjust to his sudden shifts of personality when we were with others, but I was starting to get a little used to it. After just a few minutes of sitting in silence, I felt the ladder shake as Jack began to climb. For some reason, however, I suddenly began to panic, my heart pounding. 

My breathing picked up and I started to shake, feeling as though I was in danger. I backed up as far as I could, trying to distance myself from the ladder. When Jack reached the top I looked at him, my eyes wide with terror.

"Hey Cru- are you alright?" He asked, quickly kneeling down beside me. I shook my head as I continued staring at him, my breathing sounding sharp. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know," I got out, my voice shaky. "I don't know," I repeated myself, beginning to shake a bit more.

"Hey, calm down," he said, trying to help the only way he knew how.

"If it was that easy then I'd do it," I snapped a little, wishing that it was just that simple. 

"Are you having a panic attack?" He innocently asked, and I nodded. "What do you need?" 

"I don't know," I repeated again, now feeling overwhelmed.

"When I have them it just helps to walk around," he said with a smile, not really thinking about it.

"I can't fucking walk," I snapped once again at him, brushing my hair off my face. "Sorry," I mumbled, looking down.

"It's okay, I should've thought more," I looked at him again, and he still looked extremely worried about me. "What do you need me to do?" He asked, smiling kindly at me.

"I..." I trailed off, and Jack sat down right next to me, putting his arm around me. I hesitated for a moment before laying my head on his shoulder, beginning to calm down almost right away. 

We sat together for quite a while before I was able to stop shaking, my breathing finally back to normal. As it grew later and later I felt myself begin to grow sad, knowing that Jack would get up any minute and go to bed. I sat up and looked at him, smiling.

"You don't hug people often, do you?" I asked, and I could tell Jack was caught off guard.

"Oh, uhm- no. I don't." He looked away from me, focusing on his hands. 

"Why am I different to you?" I asked without thinking, and Jack looked at me again.

"I'm not sure," he said, smiling. "I just... Feel different around you. Like I can be myself." I couldn't help but smile back at him as he spoke, studying his eyes. I felt my heart begin to pound as I looked at him, starting to feel a way I had never felt before in my life. He stared back at me, still smiling. I quickly looked up at the sky once I realized what the feeling was, knowing I couldn't keep looking at him. I sighed deeply, and from the corner of my eye saw Jack look up as well. "You ever been in love?" He suddenly asked, causing me to snap my head back to him.