I've Had This Dream...

The Trip

I know what you're about to say when I tell you what I did, right after he told me not to. 

Before you freak out, know it was for his own good. 

Josh was worried... about Cali...

And honestly... I just wanted answers. I thought he would just... stop me from getting what I wanted. So.... I planned and booked the trip to California without him knowing.

I know.. I know... He wanted to be there for me. He was the voice of reason. But... I didn't want reason. I wanted answers. 

A week after he basically told me to get my head out of my ass and be smart, I texted Annie and told her we should go soon. 

To which she agreed to... and that's what we did. We went to California. 

I left a letter on my kitchen counter. Josh had a key to my apartment, and when I didn't answer my phone I knew that would be the first place he went.

The letter read:

Josh,

I'm sorry this is how you found out, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but... I went to California. That's where I am when I'm sure you're reading this. 

I know you care about me.. and you're probably fuming at the fact that you aren't here right now, but it's for the best...

Trust me when I say I'm okay and will be okay. I just need... I need answers and I need them now. Not tomorrow, not in a year, now. 

I know what you're thinking, and you're right. I am an idiot. 

I will most likely regret not telling you when I get to Cali. I'll miss you, and miss the reasonable voice that you are.

Please, forgive me. You have a right to be mad.

I'm sorry,

Jess.

Writing that letter hurt so much. Probably not as much as it hurt Josh reading it..

I should've consulted Josh. I knew he wanted to go.. I knew he wanted to be there cause he didn't want me to feel alone. But, I chose selfish needs over what was really important. His friendship. I guess I was too caught up in the dreams and finding the man...

So, after Annie and I were packed and ready to go, I looked longingly at my apartment. I wasn't gonna be here for a while.. a month or two at most. But it's for good reason. Very good reason.. right? I had a right to wanna know my past... at least that's what I let myself believe.

I lingered there for a while. Sudden flashbacks of Josh and I hugging... right in this living room. His black short wavy locks falling perfectly in front of his face, his golden nose ring sitting comfortably in his nostril. His long lashes and dark brown eyes staring back at me kindly as we left the embrace. I would miss him terribly. 

But, it will all be good in the end... right? 

I sure hoped so.

Finally, after standing for a few moments, I walked out the front door as I wondered and thought about what waited for me in California. What will I see? Will I find what I'm looking for, and have been all this time?  

A fear of the unknown set in. I was curious yet frightful of the California trip.. Lord only knows what lies in the far side of Cali. I only wondered if my dream was correct.

I slowly walked down the apartment stairs, luggage and bags accompanying me. 

Mrs. Corde stood at the doorway of the office again, noticing my bags.

"Headed somewhere?" She said with a kind smile plastered onto her youthful face.

"Oh, yes! California." I said, kind of wanting to end the short conversation.

"Ah! Well I hope you have fun. California is a busy and wondrous place."

"That it is, Mrs. Corde. See you soon!"

I smiled and waved goodbye to my landlady as I got to my car. On my way to the journey I had longed so much for, thinking of nothing but the new found butterflies the thought gave me.

I just hoped it was going to be okay.

......

A/N: 

Hi everyone :)

This isn't the end of the book, I know it looks like it though.

I am very excited to be writing this, and as kind of boring as it seems now, it will get sooo much interesting later on. Updates will be as soon as I can make them! Thanks for taking the short time to take a look at my book, I really appreciate it. Any amount of people to read what I make is amazing to me! No matter how little. So thank you. 

Much love!!

-Emily