Trust [a. irwin]

twenty-eight

Ashton texted me last night to come by the house this afternoon, and I just finished getting ready, but Brit is here.

"Okay, Brit, I really need to get going soon."

"But I want to talk to you about Cameron..." She whines.

I sigh, "You've been talking about him for hours. I know you're really starting to like him and I'm happy for you, but I need to go."

"Fine. I need to go get ready for my date with him tonight anyways." She replies.

"I really am happy for you."

"Are you and Ashton going to go on a date anytime soon?" She asks.

"I wish." I mumble.

"At least you can admit these things out loud now."

"But it's stupid. They leave in two weeks, it doesn't matter."

She sighs, "Well, I need to go, so have fun with Ashton or whatever."

Once she leaves, I finally leave.

When I get to their house and knock on the door. Nobody answers after a few minutes, but the door is unlocked so I let myself in.

The house is really quiet, and clean, which makes me nervous.

I walk over to the counter where there's a note. Dropping my car keys on the counter, I pick up the note.

Dear Emma,

I'm not sure how to start this note, but here it goes...

By the time you see this, I'll be on a plane back to Australia.

What?

Yes, I'm on my way back to Australia. I am so sorry for not telling you. I had no idea how to and-

That's when I stop reading.

The tears that were already spilling out of my eyes is ridiculous.

He just... left?

I knew it, I fucking knew it.

He left, like every other person in my life does.

Picking up the note, I continue reading.

-and I was scared of hurting you. I couldn't do it. I really didn't know how to tell you I'm leaving, Emma.

Well, I figured you would let yourself in since we had to leave the place unlocked, so that's why I left the note.

I really hope you don't hate me. I'll call you right after I get off my flight, I promise.

Love, Ashton

'I really hope you don't hate me'.

Is that a joke?

Tears fall from my eyes, making my makeup run down my face.

"H-how could he d-do this to me?" I whisper to myself through my tears.

I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get to see him one last time before he left. I wasn't prepared for this.

I crumple up his pathetic note before throwing it on the floor, grabbing my keys and storming out of the house.

Getting in my car, I slam the door closed. I just sit there with my thoughts.

He left... Without even telling me?

Everything was a lie. All the, 'I'll always be here for you', all the 'I'll never leave you', all the times he said he would always be honest with me... It was all fucking lies.

I can't believe him.

I thought we had something... I was so wrong.

I've never gotten close to anybody the way I did to Ashton. I've never let anybody in like I let Ashton.

Maybe I'm just overreacting.

I don't know.

All he did was leave without telling me. Is it actually as bad as I'm making it seem?

Yes, it is.

I just can't believe he did it.

He didn't want to tell me he was leaving because he didn't want to hurt me, but this hurt way more than him straight out telling me would've.

I know I'm hard to deal with but I thought at least he, of all people, would've told me he was leaving.

I feel like an idiot.

I shake my head before starting the car.

The drive home feels way too long.

When I get home I rush inside.

"Emma? What's wrong?" My dad asks getting up and walking over to me.

"He's gone. He left." I tell him.

"Why are you crying so much? Was it that hard to say goodbye to him?" He questions.

"I didn't get to say goodbye." I mumble, before walking up the stairs.

"What do you mean?" He asks, standing at the bottom of the stairs.

I get to the top of the stairs and turn to look at him.

"He left a note. I found out he's gone by a note, dad. He's on a plane back to Australia, and he didn't even tell me. He left without saying goodbye." I cry.

"Emma..." He says walking upstairs.

"No, dad. Please, just leave me alone..." I quietly reply before rushing to my room.

I've never cried like this over somebody just leaving me like that.

Maybe it's because I opened up to him..because I trusted him..

What a mistake that was.

He left.

Just like everybody else.

The voices in my head don't stop.

Continuously mocking me.

Then I snap.

-

I don't know what to do.

I can't stop crying, I shouldn't be crying this much.

He's made a huge impact on my life, then he just left me.

I don't know what to think. I don't know what to do, besides cry.

I cry because I was so stupid. I cry because I trusted him. I cry because of everything I did to myself, what I'll regret again. I cry because I hate myself. I cry because I hate him.

But I cry because I hate that I think I'm in love with him.

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hey thanks to you guys who've stuck around through this mess I know a lot of people have stopped reading and I hope you guys don't stop reading bc of this ok it is not over yet please just stick around