Trust [a. irwin]

seventeen

Ashton and I fought again, it was worse this time.

It's about me, my problems, again. Everything wrong with me, causes everything else to go wrong. There's no way to change that.

I'd tell him, I would. But I don't want him to change because he knows. It's happened before, and I don't want it to happen with Ashton. Telling him may change a lot, but it might make it better. The fights would stop, there wouldn't be this huge secret.

I'm scared to trust him, though. I'm scared to let him in.

"Emma!" Britney yells, running into my room.

"What?" I mumble.

"Your dad called. He said you're having boy troubles." She sighs, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"It's just Ashton stuff." I quietly reply.

"What's going on?" She asks.

"We've just been fighting a lot, it's not a problem." I mutter.

"Not a problem? Do you want to count the tissues surrounding you or should I?" She chuckles.

"It's just that, it's about all my problems... We've basically been fighting because he doesn't know." I tell her.

"You didn't tell him yet? I thought you would've already told him." She says.

"I haven't. I want to tell him. I do. I don't know how." I whisper. "It's almost his birthday anyways so I don't want to cause anything."

"You don't have to do it right now. Think about it. You know, I get how hard it is for you to decide if you're going to tell him. It's good that you do plan on it though. You guys are really close, I hope it's all okay."

"I don't know. I think he might understand. I feel like I can trust him, like he's changing me." I reply.

"Emma, he hasn't changed you. You would never change this quickly. You're totally in love with him."

"I'm not in love with him!" I exclaim, shocked she'd even say anything like that.

"Em, I need you to just think here. You two have gotten really close in a short amount of time, you're always together. You always talk about him, you always think about him. I know you're comfortable around him. I know you that right now you'd rather be curled up with him than with me. If you aren't in love, there's gotta be feelings there." She replies.

"No. No, Britney. Ashton and I are friends and we always will be." I say, trying to sound convincing.

"Whatever you say." She mutters.

"I hate fighting with him." I frown.

"I know you do. You two will be okay, and you know that." She says.

I sigh, "Yea, I know."

"How about you just call him, since, you know, you miss him so much." She chuckles.

"He said he didn't wanna talk to me last time I called." I pout, wanting to cry again.

"Okay, how about we go shopping? Or go to get coffee? Or I guess you can just draw." She suggests.

"Can we go get coffee?"

"Yea, let's go." She smiles.

-

"Do you think he's going to mad at me for a while?" I question before taking a sip from my coffee.

"I doubt he's mad at you." She chuckles, looking down at her phone.