Trust [a. irwin]

three

"Okay, dad, I think I've got most or all of the places I want to travel." I tell my dad, who is sitting across from me at the table.

"Oh really?" He questions. "Then tell me."

"I want to go to Miami, NYC, Toronto, London, Amsterdam and Sydney." I tell him.

"That's where you're definitely going?" He says.

"I'll stop in a few more places but yea." I reply.

"There's still more places?" He asks.

"Well I have like a full year so might as well stop in a few places." I shrug.

He stands up grabbing his plate and mine from the meal we just ate.

I sigh as I stand up, going up to my room.

Before sitting on my bed, I pull out my sketchbook.

I lay on my stomach and open sketchbook, pulling out a pencil. But before I do anything, I close it again and bring it downstairs.

"Dad I'm going to go on a walk and do some drawing okay?" I tell him.

"Alright. Don't be too long." He replies.

Nodding in response, I smile and head off.

I walk through the streets, stopping a few times just sitting on the sides of the roads to draw or doodle.

I catch myself walking towards the cafe and I chuckle at myself.

When getting there, I quickly order my drink and open my sketchbook.

I just draw and put in my headphones to listen to music.

Drawing is probably the only thing on my list of things that make me really happy.

Somebody sits down across from me, startling me. My first instinct is to cover my sketchbook.

"You alright?" The person chuckles.

I look up, recognizing that accent from yesterday, "Oh. Ashton, hi."

I pull my headphones out and turn my music off.

"Hey Emma." He smiles.

I awkwardly look down and close my sketchbook.

"You draw?" He asks.

"Um, yeah." I mumble.

I look up and he's staring at me with a small smile on his face.

"I-I um, have to, go." I stutter.

I grab my book and my phone then stand up, walking out into the streets, Ashton close behind.

Why did I pick today to walk?

When I turn and look back, he was stopped by a few girls, again.

Why? Whatever, maybe he won't come after me to try and talk because clearly all I do is embarrass myself.

But of course, I was wrong.

"Emma!" Ashton calls.

I stop walking and turn to look at him as he catches up to me.

"I was- why are you shaking?" He asks, stopping mid sentence.

I didn't realize I was shaking, shit, I hate this.

"I.. I'm fine." I mutter. "What do you need?"

"Well I-I wanted to talk to you but you left so quickly.." He pauses, just watching me.

My anxiety is completely ridiculous right now, it's making me feel lightheaded. This guy doesn't seem like he's going to give up and it's freaking me out. I lean up against the building we're in front of and close my eyes.

"Are you alright?" He asks.

"Yeah, continue with what you were saying." I choke out.

I really feel terrible right now but I really am not going to talk to a guy I just met yesterday about this. I feel like I'm going to puke, but that can't happen. I've embarrassed myself enough in front of this extremely attractive guy, who actually seems to show some interest in me.

Great, now thinking about this is making it worse.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He questions again.

"Um, well..no. Do you think maybe we could meet up tomorrow? I-I really can't do this right now." I reply.

"Yeah, sure." He says with a small smile.

"Alright, the cafe tomorrow, around maybe..three?" I manage to speak.

I really would rather going during the day, tomorrow is Saturday and I already told my dad I would stay in and spend time with him.

"Sounds great." He replies.

I nod and give him a weak smile.

"Oh, wait, do you think I could, uh, get your number?" He mumbles.

I'm not sure if I should give it to him but I can't say no.

"Yea, um, Yea.. sure." I stammer.

He smiles before pulling his phone out and handed me his phone to put my number in.

"I'll text you." He grins.

Ashton waves before taking a few steps backwards then turning around and walking away.

What did I just do?

Oh yeah, I had an anxiety attack and so to get Ashton to leave me alone I agreed to meet up with him tomorrow.

I groan before I start walking home.

'guess who :)'

Smiling at his cheesy text, I type back a response.

'I'm going to guess Ashton.'

'how did you know?'

'lucky guess.. I guess'

I'm still confused on why he's shown any interest in me... Why am I complaining though? There's actually somebody wanting to talk to me.

I get quite close to home before I stop at a park and sit at one of the picnic tables, pulling out my sketchbook.

Music and drawing are really my way to just forget everything that's happened and everything that's going on.

After about almost an hour of drawing I close up my sketchbook and finish my walk home.

As soon as I walk through the door my dad is already calling for me.

"What?" I question.

"What took you so long you had me worried." He says.

"Oh sorry, I was just.. talking with somebody and I stopped to do some drawing at the park." I reply.

He looks confused when I tell him I was actually speaking with somebody but I ignore it.

"Alright." He dismisses our conversation.

I trudge up the stairs into my room and fall onto my bed with a sigh.

Right now I want to try and mentally prepare myself for tomorrow, since you know, talking to hot guys, or people in general isn't my strong suit. But then even if I do try to mentally prepare my anxiety will still most likely be just as bad.

But since I can't relax, I get up and walk over to my bag, pulling out the pack of cigarettes along with my lighter.

I'm just worried about tomorrow.

It's all going to be fine...

We'll just wait and see what tomorrow brings, I guess.

--------------

real people are actually reading this wtf