Trust [a. irwin]

twenty-nine

I haven't gotten out of bed the past few days.

Ashton said in his stupid note that he'd call after getting off his flight, but it's obvious that isn't happening.

Britney has texted me a few times, and I haven't replied. She hasn't really made an effort to check if I'm okay. I'm used to it though, so it's fine.

My dad keeps checking in on me, probably to make sure I'm still breathing.

I've really just been staring at the ceiling, or maybe the wall sometimes. I've done a little bit of drawing, that's it.

I'm waiting for my phone to ring. I'm waiting for his call.

I wouldn't pick up, though.

All I want to know is if he actually cares enough to call. He probably doesn't. Luke was right when he said Ashton didn't care about me.

"Emma!" Britney yells running into my room.

I just look over at her then back up at the ceiling.

"Em, I heard what happened I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry." She quickly says, rushing to my side.

"Whatever, it's fine." I mumble.

"He's such an ass. We should've seen this coming, I just feel horrible for not protecting you."

"I couldn't have seen this coming. He was so nice, he was amazing to me."

"But do you remember what he was like before you became friends? Do you remember what his bandmates are like? I feel bad, I thought he loved you." She frowns.

"I thought maybe he had feelings for me too, but I guess I mean nothing to him."

"Maybe he had a really good reason to not tell you he was leaving." She suggests.

"Well then he should've put it in that stupid note, or called, or texted, or he should've just fucking told me he was leaving."

"I'm so sorry." She whispers.

"I feel so stupid." I mumble.

"No, you're not stupid. Please don't feel bad. It's not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong. He's just an ass."

I sniffle, "H-he just-"

"Shh.. Em, don't cry. Please don't get upset over him. He really isn't worth it."

"I can't believe him." I mutter.

"You know what? I'm taking you out tonight. You're going to forget all about him right now. Let's get ready."

I roll my eyes, "No."

"You're going to a party with me and you're going to find a guy there to have sex with and that's final."

"I don't want to!" I whine.

"I know it's only been two days but you need to get over him as fast as possible. Em, you're travelling the world in two weeks. I don't want you to be sad for that, I don't want your feelings for him to change everything for you. I want you to go on this trip and be the happiest person you've ever been. Please, don't let a boy change you."

"He means so much to me..." I sniffle.

"Em, do you want me to be a bitch?"

"No. I'm still a fucking mess, why do you have to do this to me?"

"Because I don't want you to fall into a really bad depression over a complete asshole. I've seen you at your lowest and I don't ever want to see you there again, especially over a boy."

"I can't control this."

She sighs, "Please, just tonight, come out to a party. We don't have to stay long if things start to bother you, I just really want you to forget about him."

"I don't know..."

"Please, Em..." She begs.

"I- I don't know." I reply. "Is it okay if we just go out for coffee or something? I'm barely ready to leave the house, I don't want to go to a party."

"I guess so."

I groan, "Help me up."

She cheers, "I'm so happy you're leaving the house!"

"It's not going to happen often." I mutter.

"Well you leave soon so... I am coming with you for a bit too..."

"I don't want to go anymore." I mumble.

"Excuse me? You planned this all out through your whole senior year and now you don't want to go?"

"I don't want to go when I'm this sad." I whisper.

"This is what I was afraid of. God, he's such an ass! He can't do this to you!" She exclaims.

"You're more angry than I am about this."

"It isn't fair! How can he continue on with his life like nothing happened while you're sitting here wanting to die!"

"It's a normal thing for me to want to die, it happens pretty often." I mumble.

She groans, "But it should not be because of a boy! He's an asshole, Em!"

"I know that now. I know he's an asshole, I know he's every other rude word out there. I just can't lose all my feelings for him, like you always say."

I wish I could lose my feelings for him. I wish I could forget I ever met him, but I can't.

"Let's just go, okay?"

-

After we got back, I came straight up to my room to take a nap, but Britney just woke me up.

"I printed out every picture you two have together, I want you to cut them up, or rip them, right now." Britney says, tossing a pile of papers next to me.

"I can't do that..."

She groans, "They're all still on the computer. If he randomly shows up here again and you guys date or whatever they still exist."

"Then why rip these up?"

"Just do it!" She exclaims.

I groan, "Fine."

I reach over, grabbing a picture and tearing it in half, and dropping it on the floor next to me.

"Happy now?" I question, laying back down.

"No. Em, I know even though you love him, you hate him. Just take your anger out this way."

I sigh, "Fine, I'll do it."

She pulls the blankets off me, and I groan, falling out of bed.

"Why can't you get up like a normal person?" She questions.

I roll my eyes at her before getting up, and starting to rip up the pictures.

Fifteen minutes later, tiny pieces of paper are scattered all over my room and I sigh, "You were right."

"We're going to get you to start getting over him, right?" She asks.

I nod, even though I know this is going to take a long time.

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