The calm composure that Amalie has, shocks me as she recites the words to the new song, a song that captures the thoughts and feelings that I have been having longer than I have been away, she hasn't seen me lurking behind the curtains and I am torn to whether that makes me happy or sad.
With short, freshly dyed brown hair I shouldn't be surprised, for as long as I can remember my hair has flowed down my back and I never had any desire to change it. Until I realised that even with my new name and new life, I was still clinging to all the things that reminded me of what I needed to heal something. Storm taught me that I am braver than that, Amalie taught me that I am worth staying for.
I am not broken pieces that will never get put back together, I am the patchwork of everything I have felt and experienced, it makes me stronger and braver than the people that pray off my weakness, the people that encourage my failure and perpetuate my sadness.
"Thank you for doing this for Nellie, I am sure she will greatly appreciate it" The dean, Professor Wilden praises Amalie before walking away to sit in the audience. He's a kind man, much kinder than I deserve but kind to my unstableness anyway, I should be thrown from the program and the school, but he believes I will get better. I believe I am already there.
"Singing on behalf of writer Nellie W is Northern Arizona University student Amalie Dune"
The music starts as she hits centre stage and I can see the looks on everyone's faces, this is supposed to be a sad song and maybe it is, but it also feels like freedom.
Just stop your crying
It's a sign of the times
Welcome to the final show
Hope you're wearing your best clothes
You can't bribe the door on your way to the sky
You look pretty good down here
But you ain't really good
The way she moves to be beat and the smile that overcomes everyone's faces calms me of all my anxious thoughts, pushing me closer to the curtains where the stagehand stands, controlling the running tracks. I can see Storm and my friends in the third row, smiling proud and Julian itching to stand up, like he does when we do karaoke.
If we never learn, we been here before
Why are we always stuck and running from
The bullets?
The bullets
We never learn, we been here before
Why are we always stuck and running from
The bullets?
The bullets
Why am I so afraid of standing on that stage to sing, when I have made the decision to talk to them. They are the only people worth sharing this with and I am here lurking in the shadows like a damn stalker, if I am so much better, then where are my fucking balls. I stride over to Maggie and grab the spare microphone from the stage, my stomach turning with anxiety.
Fuck it.
Just stop your crying
It's a sign of the times
We gotta get away from here
We gotta get away from here
Just stop your crying
It'll be alright
They told me that the end is near
We gotta get away from here
I sing, stepping onto the stage with shaky hands and a hot sweat covering my body, Amalie's eyes wide as she spins to look at me, Storm standing from his seat in the audience.
Just stop your crying
Have the time of your life
Breaking through the atmosphere
And things are pretty good from here
Remember everything will be alright
We can meet again somewhere
Somewhere far away from here
Amalie stands proudly in front of me, my eyes not leaving her face as she reaches me.
We never learn, we been here before
Why are we always stuck and running from
The bullets?
The bullets
We never learn, we been here before
Why are we always stuck and running from
The bullets?
The bullets
أنت تقرأ
Moving To Silence
العاطفيةSometimes a fresh beginning is all someone needs, the chance to leave the torment and horror of a past life behind, even at the age of twenty Nellie finds herself silent and looking for the chance to improve her future. Arizona University is a cle...
