'Till forever h.s.

One Last Time (24)

They told me all of my cages were mental
So I got wasted like all my potential
and my words shoot to kill when I'm mad
I have a lot of regrets about that

I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying
At least I'm trying

~~This is me trying by Taylor Swift~~

Trigger warning:
Substance abuse
Grief
Self-medication

If any of these trigger you please feel free to skip this chapter, I'll put a brief summary at the authors note at the end so you don't miss out on anything. Take care of yourselves ❤️

Davina's POV

This has officially been the most tension-filled week ever since I got here. Every time I used to look in Harry's directions he'd always be staring back but he's never looking at me lately. I find myself quite bored now and filled with anguish. Never mind three steps, we were the whole fucking road back.

I wasn't myself that night. It shouldn't have happened.

And my plans get put on hold once more. Maybe I underestimated just how hard it'd be to get to Harry. He's like a hard shell and I know they all eventually break but right now it seems downright impossible to get past his tough exterior.

I'm never fucking leaving this building, goddamnit.

I look over at the small window on the high corner of the bathroom wall, seeing the light leaking through and hearing the buzz of engines from turbulent streets. It's summer. People are going to and from the airport, searching for a place where the sun still warms their lost souls.

I miss the beach. I miss the way the sand felt under my feet, the salty taste of the sea and how its coldness made my limbs go almost numb, the smell of serenity and most of all the warmth. You don't get that type of warmth around here.

I've been feeling quite cold lately.

These would have been the most epic weeks of my life. No more school, just parties and tons of vodka. I wasn't even worried about college, to be honest, I was just gonna enjoy my last summer as a kid, my last drop of happiness before having to face the inevitable black hole of adulthood.

They're happy Davina. They go on with their lives every day. An endless cycle of waking up at noon, getting wasted and going to sleep at sunrise but at least they're happy.

Tearing my vision away from the window I allow my eyes to shut once again. The pounding sensation in the back of my head seems to never go away these past days, it's becoming a part of me.

I should be happy.

God, I don't even recognize myself anymore, I was never content but at least I knew me. I knew that I liked coffee over tea and that hugs were my second most favourite thing in the world because laughing with Zayn until my belly aches were the first.

Now Zayn is gone, the coffee is bitter and touching hurts. I don't know who I am anymore.

Grow up Davina, you're no one.

I inhale sharply, feeling the burning sensation in the back of my throat only grow. My loud heartbeat deafening the sounds coming from outside this small bathroom.

I open my eyes again to stare back at my reflection. I've never felt so detached from myself. She looks like me, same blonde hair Alicia used to braid, the same brown eyes Diana compared to her hot chocolate more often than not, same rosy cheeks Ben constantly made fun of. He used to say I always looked like I just ran a marathon.