Poison [[Eren x Reader]]

Chapter 17

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"So, you really sent him home, huh?" Sasha asks.

I haven't seen Eren in a few days, but we're still texting each other regularly. Sasha is sitting across from me at a table in the food court of a mall with Mikasa sitting to the right of me, drowning out the sound of the people surrounding us continuing their busy lives. I needed to talk to them because I just needed a break from everything, but luckily I have them to help me get through this. I miss Eren, and I guess this break proves to myself that I want to be with him.

"Yeah," I sigh, resting my elbows on the table and propping my head up up the palm of my hands, "But I just told him I needed some time to focus on school."

"You didn't tell him about the recording?" Mikasa asks. I decided to tell Sasha about the recording, along with Mikasa as well. I needed advice on the whole situation, especially with someone who probably knows that man better than I do.

"No, I didn't want to remind him of the person he used to be."

I eventually realized that Eren just isn't the person he used to be anymore. He never knew how to treat people right, so when someone who was actually interested in him for more than just his looks came along, his first reaction was to push them away. He treated me like that because he couldn't fathom the fact that someone cared for him, and I'm sure that whatever emotions he had went away after his mom passed away. I'm not completely justifying his actions, but the way he was acting were trauma responses.

At least that's what Mikasa told me, anyway.

"That makes sense," Sasha says as she sinks down into her chair, "I'm proud of you."

I don't even know what I did. I ask, "For what?"

"The old you would've lashed out," she smiles, "But you handled it calmly. You didn't get mad, and you're sorting it out before you talk to him about it. So, I'm proud of you."

My cheeks flare up with heat and I frown in awe. She's proud of me. At least someone is, and I'm glad it's her. Even though it's only been a few months since Eren and I started talking, I never realized how much the both of us have changed. It feels like it's been forever. "It's not a big deal. I was just tired of repeating the same endless cycle with him."

Mikasa nudges my arm, giving me a sentimental grin, "You noticed that and broke it. I don't even think this is about him anymore," she shrugs, picking up her cup to take a sip of her soda, "I think this is about you."

I swear they're both cryptic. Like, what does that even mean? I don't understand how this is about me. "Huh?"

"I think you're just finding excuses to not be with him," Mikasa says while Sasha leans in with wide eyes, surprised that she didn't think of that first.

"Why would I do that?" I ask, "I don't know what I'd do without him."

"That makes sense!" Sasha blurts out, "You're afraid of getting hurt again so you're pushing him away, but you're also afraid of hurting him so you pick and choose when to walk on eggshells while talking to him."

Wow. I didn't think of it like that. I don't want to get hurt again, so my immediate response is to push him away because it's easier to get heartbroken over a situation I can control. I'm also terrified of hurting him, and sometimes I'm cautious about what I say around him. I'm afraid that if I hurt him, then he'll treat me badly, so that's when I end up pushing him away. It's a vicious cycle in my mind and this really has nothing to do with Eren at all anymore.