Poison [[Eren x Reader]]

Chapter 29

a/n: this chapter is entirely in Eren's POV of chapter 28.

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Eren's POV

My eyes fixate on the glowing end of the blunt resting between my thumb and index finger before rolling my lips in to place them on the opposite end. I've gotten used to the burning sensation in my throat as I inhale, letting my thick smoke seep into my lungs before exhaling to watch the cloud of smoke slowly dissipate within the air. There's a slight breeze against my bare skin as I lean my back against the side of my car, taking the time to look up at the dark clouds residing over the campus. As if the world knows about unseen unfortunate events.

I'm waiting for my class to start so I've been sitting in the parking lot to meet up with y/n and Armin in the meantime, but I know that she needs to study so I'm trying to kill some time before I go inside of the library. I bring the blunt back up to my lips again to take another hit, letting the smoke slowly leave my mouth while looking across the half-empty parking lot.

I've been smoking so much that it doesn't even get me high anymore, only leaving me more relaxed than before, but it helps me calm down. It's always been my go-to whenever I know my anger is about to be uncontrollable, or even just on a regular basis as well. I started a couple of years ago to use it as a coping mechanism to help alleviate some of my anger to prevent the aftermath from the damage I used to cause, and it's just stuck with me until now. I hate hurting the people I love.

Thinking about that, I keep hurting y/n without even realizing that I'm doing it. I take one last deep breath to inhale the remnants of the blunt before dropping it on the ground, letting the smoke leave my lungs once again as I watch the orange embers slowly turn into ashes on the black pavement. I don't know why I've been so angry at her, either.

I know she hates clichés so I would never fully explain to her the impact she's had on my life, but she knows enough to get the point across. Basically, nothing I was doing ever felt right. Sure, Armin and Mikasa are the two greatest friends that anyone could ask for, but between my mom passing away and me having meaningless sex with girls I forced myself to date, I was living a complete lie.

I take in a breath of fresh air to retrace my thoughts, chasing the small amount of a high that I got from smoking the blunt. I've liked her for a long time, longer than I can even think about, but I wasn't looking for a relationship. y/n needed someone who could be there for her and I was too busy fucking random girls in the backseat of my car, not wanting to have any commitment with anyone. Little did I know, she was going to come into my life quicker than I ever imagined, and now I can't imagine ever recovering from this relationship after she leaves.

I avoid thinking about y/n leaving. The thought still hasn't hit me yet and I'm too afraid to even think about it because I want to enjoy the time we have left together before it's too late. I hate seeing her sad about it because I don't want her last memories in this town to be filled with bad ones, but all I ever do is make her feel that same emotion.

I don't want her to leave and I'd do anything for her to stay, but I'm not going to tell her that. I shouldn't be the reason she stays in the city that she's been trying to leave her entire life.

We've been arguing a lot lately and I know it's my fault, but I've just been so goddamn angry for no fucking reason and I can't figure out why. It's been so uncontrollable lately and I'm not thinking rationally, but I can't let anyone know that I'm someone different from who they think I am. I miss the way her eyes used to light up when she'd see me and the way a smile would immediately form across her lips, too. Now her eyes are sunken in and she barely even smiles anymore.