Poison [[Eren x Reader]]

Chapter 41

My stomach is grumbling as I'm curled up in a ball on my bed, sulking in the dark with my disgusting thoughts. I'm holding my legs tightly to my chest with my blankets pulled up to my chin, feeling the imprint of the side of my face on my pillow. I can't remember the last time I ate or even got out of my bed to use the bathroom. I'm sweating through my clothes even though there's an underlying chill residing in my bones, and I can't seem to find any warmth.

I can't feel anything.

My room is dark as the window stays shut with the blinds closed, not permitting any outside light or fresh air to enter. It's been hard to tell the difference between my dreams and reality. He's in my dreams. His face is everywhere and right before he's in my reach, I wake up in a cold sweat with a tear-stained face. It takes me a moment to realize that I'm not waking up next to him.

It's like a horrible dream that I'm living over and over again, no matter how many times I try to sleep it off, and all I want is to wake up from this awful nightmare.

There's a very soft knock on my door followed, slightly startling me as I hear a whisper, "hey? Can we come in?"

Her voice is light-hearted, easily distinguishable as Sasha who's asking if her and Mikasa can accompany me with my own distress. I barely croak out, "yeah," feeling the dryness in the back of my throat.

The most productive thing I've recently done was taking a shower right before I went to bed last night because I couldn't stand living in my own filth anymore. I was only able to do it because Sasha and Mikasa helped me get out of bed since they've been at my house for the past couple of days to watch over me. Couple of days? Weeks? I've completely lost track of time, but I'm so grateful for them.

I hear a soft creak as my door is opened, listening to the faint shuffling of feet against my carpet as I keep my eyes fixated on the wall in my direct line of vision. It's the only thing that's been keeping me busy for days, letting my thoughts roam free before slipping into another deep sleep. I've been falling behind in school as well. I wish that I could feel something. Anything. My dreams are the only time that I'm able to escape from reality, but they're just making my situation so much worse. I want to throw up or cry, or anything for fucks sake, but I can't.

"How are you feeling?" Mikasa asks while sitting down on the opposite side of my mattress, trying to find some sort of way to begin a pity conversation.

I hum my response while trying to think of a reasonable way to respond, not knowing an actual answer behind it. There's just a constant buzzing in the depths of my stomach which only reminds me about the other half of my soul that's missing.

"I don't know," I mutter underneath my breath, hearing the springs in the mattress as Sasha next to where I'm lying.

Sasha places her hand on my arm that's underneath the cover, rubbing very slow circles as she speaks, "you wanna talk about it?" She breathes out slowly, "you don't have to if you don't want to. Please, take your time."

Fuck. I take a deep breath while tracing back my memories to recollect my thoughts, trying to find a reasonable explanation for what happened that night. They already know why Eren left in the first place, but talking about this makes me want to go back to sleep. "I'm sorry for waiting so long to tell you guys about Eren leaving," I mumble as I stare at the imperfections on my plain white wall, "I didn't wanna ruin Jean's birthday party."

Sasha leans down to place a soft kiss of reassurance against my head and I can see her warm smile out of the corner of my eye. "We know, babe, it's okay."

"I tried to search for him along the front entrance and even down the street," I nearly interrupt her, realizing that these are my first coherent thoughts since Sasha took me home from Jean's birthday party. "His car was gone, so I knew he was," I say in a low voice. My words are slowly rolling off my tongue, too afraid to relive the previous event, yet I owe them an apology. "I stayed outside to calm myself down, but he wasn't answering any of my texts.