Love You Regardless

2

FORGOT TO SAY BUT:
24 chapters :)

TW's:
-Mentions fire/death
-Traumas/nightmares

Clay's POV

I didn't sleep well after my nightmare. I had had this nightmare for seven years, at least three times a week. I slept with my brother in the same room so he was there to calm me down.

TW MENTIONS FIRE/DEATH

A lot had changed since the fire. My mum died immediately in the fire and my dad tried saving her. Because he was trying to save her, he died minutes later due to his burns and too much smoke.

TW OVER

I got adopted by a nice family, I had my parents and my older brother. My brother was twenty-one and I loved him a lot. He always played with me and made me calm down when I had a nightmare. Last week was my birthday and I had just turned seventeen.

After both my parents died in the fire, my whole life seemed to have collapsed. I had nothing anymore, I only had the things I got from my room.

Next to my PTSD, I also had autism and ADHD. I didn't go to school, because I couldn't keep up anymore. I tried one year of high school in a special school but I had to redo my year because I had five very low grades. My English level wasn't as high, I didn't understand anything of what they explained to me in maths class. The only subject I liked was biology.

People with either autism or ADHD often had a special interest and mine was animals. I was searching whole days long on the internet for more information about fish, birds, bears and so on. I knew a lot about almost every animal on this planet.

But because I didn't go to school, I also didn't have friends. I only had my parents, my brother and the mailman. The mailman always spoke with me and I was always allowed to open the door when the mailman came. We didn't always have mail, but he still rang the bell to talk to me.

I also went to the farm every day. The farm was empty and no one really came there. There were a few animals which I always fed. There was one sheep, I named him after my llama, Wolly. Wolly the Sheep was my friend and I went to the store with my mum often to buy Wolly some food.

As I said, I went to the farm every day. I had breakfast with my parents and my brother before they had to work. Then I came back home at noon and my brother always came home to eat lunch with me.

He went back to work and I went back to the farm till it was six in the evening. Then I had dinner with my parents and my brother and I took a shower after that. In the evening I watched my favourite show. My favourite show was about a high school. I watched one episode every day.

I was currently watching my favourite show again next to my brother in my bed. My brother looked at me and smiled. 'Are you enjoying it?'

I nodded as I hugged Wolly and my brother smiled. 'How is Wolly?'

'Good,' I smiled. I looked at the screen again as I saw two boys holding hands. I found it really cute and listened to the voices.

'Did you come out?'

'I didn't, my parents wouldn't support it. What's your sexuality?'

'I'm gay, and you?'

'Pan.'

I paused the episode and went to Google. I never really knew what I could do and what not. I used to say inappropriate or mean stuff when I didn't mean it and I used to look up stuff when I wasn't supposed to.

I started googling about sexuality and looked up what "gay" meant. I never felt exactly like others, I never had any interest in girls, but I thought it was just because I had autism.

'What are you looking at?' my brother asked as he smiled at me.

I shrugged.

'Are you doubting your sexuality or do you not understand what sexuality is?'

'Both.'

'Can I help?'

I nodded and my brother scooted closer to me. 'Do you want to cuddle?'

I looked at my hands, I only liked cuddling with my brother. I didn't like cuddling anyone else. I nodded and my brother pulled me close to him, letting my head rest on his chest as he placed the laptop on his legs.

'What do you want to know?'

'Gay.'

'Okay, let's look it up,' my brother smiled. He started typing some things and clicked on something.

'Do you think you like boys a little?' my brother asked me when he showed me a site.

I read the site and shrugged. 'I find boys cute,' I muttered as I wrapped my arms around my brother's waist.

'Would you like to be together with a boy?'

I nodded slowly. 'I sometimes think about kissing a boy.'

'And about a girl?'

I made a face and shrugged. 'No.'

'Do you think you might be gay?'

'I think I might be. When we watch soccer together, I always feel a bit weird when I look at the people playing.'

'What do you feel?'

'My cheeks sometimes get a bit warmer and my heart beats a little bit faster as I feel something weird in my stomach.'

'I think you're a little bit attracted to them,' my brother said with a smile on his face.

'What does that mean?'

'That you like boys more than girls.'

'And then?'

'That means that you might be gay or homosexual, or whatever you want to call it.'

'Is this a bad thing?'

'Not at all,' my brother said. He kissed my cheek and smiled. 'I'm also figuring out my sexuality. I don't know exactly what I am, but boys are pretty cute, aren't they?'

I nodded. 'Can I be like mum and dad but with a boy?'

'You can marry a boy.'

'I will,' I nodded. 'I like boys.'

My brother smiled. 'Do you want to continue watching the episode?'

'Do you want to watch with me?'

'We can watch the episode and then after that we can watch a soccer match?'

I nodded and held him tight as we watched the episode together.

1047 words