Love You Regardless

9

TW's:
-Funeral (nightmare) mentions death and fire (skippable)
-Mentions panic attack

Clay's POV

After I had a long and painful panic attack, my brother had calmed me down enough to go back to the dinner table. I sat down to eat the rest of my food as I sometimes looked at George. I felt a bit different around George, I was going to ask my brother once they were gone.

Later that evening, they left and I went to my brother's and my room. We laid in bed and I cuddled up with him to watch an episode, but I paused it beforehand. I looked at my brother. 'Can I ask something?' I muttered as I immediately looked at my hands again.

'Of course,' he smiled. 'Go ahead!'

'I feel strange around George,' I mumbled as I held my brother tightly.

'What do you feel around him?'

'I think he is handsome and sweet.'

'Aww, do you think you like him?'

'I don't know,' I shrugged. I got distracted by my episode and turned it on as my brother ran his hand through my hair.

I watched the episode in silence and it finished half an hour later. We watched a soccer match after that and not long after, I went to sleep.

TW FUNERAL, MENTIONS DEATH, MENTIONS FIRE (NIGHTMARE)

I sat in the church as I looked at the two coffins in front of me. I had tears streaming down my face as I held Wolly and my aunt's hand tightly. My aunt had come all the way from Spain to America for my parents' funerals.

I listened to people giving a speech and even though I really didn't want to talk in front of all these people, I still planned on reading a small bit of text for my parents.

I impatiently waited for everyone to finish and stood up slowly after that to go to the microphone with my paper with text.

'Hello mommy and daddy, I love you a lot and I miss you very much. I still hope that you will come back to me and play with me and Wolly, but I have been told that this won't happen anymore. I miss you very much, I'm sorry that it's my fault that this happened. I shouldn't have dropped the poker.'

I sat back down as it was completely quiet. No one said anything, not even my aunt. I started playing with Wolly as I was rocking and stimming quietly. We sang a few songs and after that we had to stand up to walk behind the coffins as they got carried to the cemetery.

I was crying softly as I thought back to my mum and dad. I was only ten years old and already alone. I didn't have a mum and a dad anymore.

For days after their deaths, I thought they were going to come back to me to play with me and Wolly again. To sit in front of the campfire and the fireplace and to watch television together. When it was around a week later and the day of the funeral, which was today, I realised they wouldn't come back anymore. I would be left alone without my parents.

After my parents got buried, I walked to the condolence room. My aunt told everyone to leave me alone and she made me a cup of warm chocolate milk with a piece of chocolate cake. It was my dad's favourite cake and I told everyone that I wanted chocolate cake on the funeral. For my mother there was vanilla with strawberry filling, but I liked chocolate more.

The funeral lasted another half an hour or so and my aunt took me to a hotel with her. I had been staying in a foster care facility and they were looking for someone to care for me.

As I laid on the bed next to my aunt, I felt tears rolling down my face. I saw the fire in front of me again, I saw it happen again, I saw myself drop the poker and I saw the wood fall on the ground.

TW OVER

I screamed loudly as I woke up. I was wet from all the sweat on my body and my hair stuck to my forehead because of it. I was breathing very fast and had tears rolling down my face as I realised it was night and I was with my brother.

My brother woke up by my scream, he smiled at me and pulled me close. 'Come here, Clay. It was just a nightmare, okay?'

I nodded slowly and my brother noticed I was very sweaty. 'Are you feeling warm?'

I nodded again and my brother pulled off my shirt and pushed the sheets down a bit. He rubbed my chest as I was breathing very quickly again and smiled at me after kissing my cheek.

'It was just a nightmare, okay? It's a terrible nightmare, but it happened in the past. It didn't happen again.'

I just nodded again and held my brother very tightly to show him that I was scared. He ran his hand through my hair and smiled at me.

'I can't sleep anymore,' I said as I sniffed quietly.

'Let's watch a video of fish.'

I nodded and my brother grabbed his phone, letting me look up a video of fish. I clicked on one and cuddled up with him again as we watched the video together. I started feeling more tired when my brother ran his hand through my hair while I watched the video and my eyes shut every now and then.

I shook myself awake again and my brother gently pushed me down on the bed. 'You can sleep, Clay.'

'Nightmare?'

'I'm here and so is Wolly. We are both here to protect you and I will wake you up as fast as possible when you are sad again.'

'Mommy and daddy?'

My brother didn't answer me as I saw tears in his eyes. He smiled, let me cuddle up with him as he rubbed my back. 'They are safe, Clay. They are watching over you,' he whispered.

It took me just five more minutes to fall back asleep.

1028 words

Summary:
Clay had a nightmare about the funeral of his parents.