Kiss Me Under The Stars

37

Content Warning: Emetophobia

It was an early morning and it had been a couple of days since Spencer had gone back to work. You were happy for him and you were finally going to back to the bookstore. You decided going back to the bureau was not the next step you should take. It was like going backwards. So you threw out all the documents you had into the trash.

You were leaning over your kitchen counter and your phone was in your hands but you were feeling a little dizzy and light headed.

But you were distracted since JJ just so happened to be texting you.

JJ: Hey! Tomorrow is family dinner night. You should come. I know Spencer would love it if you joined.

You texted her back with a 'sounds great I'll be there' and hit send. Once you sent the text you felt arms being wrapped around your waist. You hummed as Spencer held you from behind. "Hey beautiful"

"Hey handsome" you smiled and bit your lip when his hands gently traveled up and down your waist and he laid kisses down your neck. You spun around to face him and grabbed his face to pull him into a kiss. His grip on your waist tightened and your fingers danced around his hair.

But something felt weird. Your stomach felt weird. Then there was a tightness in your throat. You pushed Spencer back and he looked at you in confusion as you held your hand to your mouth.

"Y/n are yo-" the rest of his words faded away as you ran to your bathroom

Before you knew it your face was over the toilet seat and your stomach content was in the bowl. Tears swelled your eyes. Throwing up always made your ribs hurt. Spencer managed to run behind you, he held your hair so it wouldn't fall in front of your face.

You stayed on the bathroom floor and flushed away the everything. You took a deep breath and looked up at Spencer. As you looked at him he had this look in his eye. It was panic mixed with concern. He was trying to get words out of his mouth but they didn't come out.

You were confused but then you realized why he was probably panicking. "Oh god" you mumbled out

Spencer didn't say a word. His face said it all. You immediately stood to your feet and felt immediately light headed. You balanced your self and opened your bathroom cabinet. Combing through with panic your eye had finally caught the item you were looking for. The box of pregnancy tests.

You turned to look at Spencer and nervously pointed towards the door. "Could um could you..."

He understood right away and walked out shutting the door behind him. You looked at the box and began to whisper to yourself as you opened it and sat on the toilet to pee on the stick "Please don't be pregnant. Please don't be pregnant. Please don't be pregnant. Please don't be the 0.01%. C'mon "

You laid the pregnancy test face down on the sink and decided to brush your teeth to pass the time. You couldn't even look at the test without feeling sick again so you opened the bathroom door so Spencer could walk back in.

There was only silence and the both of you somehow ended up on the bathroom floor across from each other just staring. You were picking at the skin around your nail. You were scared and nervous. The tension could be cut with a knife.

You decided to break the awkward silence "So uh... do you want kids?"

"No" he answered right away but then he took it back "Yes- No... Erm. Yes? Well I mean I don't know"

You just stared at him silently again and nodded slowly. But he asked you the same question "D-do you um want kids?"

"Yes?" you tilted your head to the side and contemplated the idea

The both of you didn't believe each other. Honestly none of you knew the answer.

It felt like enough time had passed so reached up and grabbed both pregnancy tests from the sink and sat up straight. Spencer just looked at your hands nervously as you shakily turned the tests around to face you.

"Oh thank you" you gasped in excitement as you showed Spencer the two negative tests. You smiled in relief and jumped to your feet and continued to show Spencer the test. But you still felt dizzy so you leaned against the bathroom sink as Spencer got up to his feet. "I have never been this happy to not pass a test"

"Great" Spencer said it hesitantly. As if he couldn't tell if the news was good or bad. It threw you off. This was good news. Right?

"Spence?" You dropped the smile and placed the tests onto the sink "This is good right?"

"Yeah it's just that..." he ran his hand through his brown curls "You got a little too excited. Would it have been so bad if it came out positive?"

"I-" you paused "Um..."

You were conflicted. Having kids wasn't on your mind right now. Eventually yes but not now.

Both you and Spencer were just staring at each other. The mood dropped. Nothing was said. He just sighed and walked away. You were about to walk out behind up but you felt yourself gag. You groaned and stayed in the bathroom contemplating on what you were going to do.

...

After a while of feeling sick you were laying in your bed staring up at the ceiling trying to alleviate a headache. Spencer never came back to you. He stayed in your living room or kitchen. You didn't bother checking.

But then your headache dialed down and you decided to go talk to him. It wasn't like this was an argument or a fight. It was just a really confusing conversation waiting to happen.

You walked out of your room and walked straight into the kitchen. Spencer was sitting on a stool reading a book. You sat down across from him so you could be face to face. Once you were seated he put his book down.

"I made you some tea" he cleared his throat "I thought your stomach would still be hurting"

"Thank you" you smiled "It must've been last nights take out from that new place down the street"

"But I feel fine" he added on

"Yeah well before you met me all you did was live eat and breath take out. You're basically immune to shitty take out" you nervously laughed

"Right" he cracked a smile

There was a silent pause.

You decided to just speak "We are not ready for a baby"

"I know"

"It hasn't been too long since you got out of prison and I just started holding myself together with therapy. I don't even know if I want them. We don't even live together and-"

"Hey hey" Spencer reached over the table to grab your hand. You stopped talking and let his fingers intertwine with yours "I know that we aren't ready. I just got a little excited that's all."

You took a deep breath and nodded "Okay"

He squeezed your hand and smiled.

You asked "Should I still come to dinner with you tomorrow night?"

"Of course" he smiled and let go of your hand

It sounded like things were okay. But there was still tension. For the rest of the day there was mainly silence. Eventually Spencer fell asleep on your couch while reading. You had covered him with a blanket and left him there while you went back to your room. Waking him up didn't seem right at the moment.

Nothing seemed right.

~~~
A/n: Wow updating twice in one week. Who am I??

Anyways I'm trying to get back to writing as much as I can.

How was everyone's day???:)