Out of My Control [bxb]

Chapter 23

Okay, Reid, just go up and ask if you can talk in private.

I was standing at the end of the 'C' hallway before school started Monday morning (approximately 14 minutes until first period), and was trying to work up the courage to go over to Alyssa. I had to talk to her; apologize about how I ended things, tell her I missed our friendship, and blah, blah, blah. She was at her locker, in the 'D' hallway, talking to McKenna at the time.

Did I really want to do talk to her while she's with her best friend? I was worried McKenna might butt in. Or tell me to fuck off. Which would have been fair, but really embarrassing in front of all the students crowding the hallway.

My left shoulder was lightly bumped. Grayson- the cause of said bump- smirked at me. He checked me out from my Old Skool Vans, to my slim-fit, black jeans, my plain grey long-sleeve shirt, and back to meet my eyes. He then asked flirtatiously, "You come here often?"

I snorted, "Is that your best? If so, I don't see us working out," I joked (No one was around us, so it was safe to joke about our relationship). I looked back over at Alyssa. She's alone now, perfect. "I'll see you at first, I'm gonna talk to Alyssa."

Grayson stepped in my line of sight. I checked my boyfriend out, but more brief and subtle than he did to me. He was also wearing black pants, just not denim like mine. His were cuffed at the bottom to show his white socks that stuck out from his Nike Air Force 1. A pale pink crewneck with a white collar and a silver chain that was not too bulky nor was it too long. God, he's so perfect. I wished we were alone so I could kiss him.

"You know," Grayson broke my thoughts, "you don't have to make things right with her. It's not your job to rekindle Preston and Alex's relationship with your ex."

"I know, but..." but I'm a people-pleaser and feel guilty that our friend group fell apart. But, I also feel panicky whenever I see her, terrified she's gonna pin me down and force me into something I don't want to do. Am I pathetic for being nervous around a girl? Cause that's how I feel.

I shrug, and don't look at Grayson when I lie and say, "we were good friends before we dated. It wouldn't be horrible to be friends with her again."

Grayson didn't bother to hide his distaste at that, but still told me, "As much as I hate her, if you're doing it for yourself, you have my support." I smiled at him before he added, "90% of my support."

"I'll take what I can get. See you later," I stated once more and walked over to Alyssa who was putting her windbreaker in her locker. Yes, Florida does get cold in February, especially living further north!

I took a deep breath before taking the final step towards her. "Hey, can we talk?"

Alyssa turned around, looking surprised to see me. "uh..." her eyes hastily searched the hallway as if looking for McKenna for assistance. She focused back on me. "I guess."

"Well..." Fuck, I should've rehearsed! I scratched the back of my neck, feeling uncomfortable. "I, um, I just wanted to apologize for... everything, I guess. I feel horrible about how I ended things. You didn't deserve that. And, I don't know, I miss hanging out and-"

"You want to get back together?" Alyssa asked looking hopeful.

"No," I declined too quickly. I took a deep breath, "I mean, uh, no. That's not what I meant."

"Oh, like friends with benefits?"

Jesus Christ. "I meant hanging out like we used to... as friends. I miss... ya' know, our friendship. And talking. Just talking."

"oh," disappointment evident in her tone. "I- I miss our friendship too."

"You and McKenna should sit at our table again. We all miss you guys."