Out of My Control [bxb]

Chapter 16

"What? You're breaking up with me?! Right after we had sex? I thought I meant something to you."

Alyssa and I are in her bedroom, sitting on her bed. I had just told her it isn't working out between us.

I take her hands in mine. "You do, Alyssa. You mean so much to me. But that's the thing; you mean so much to me as a friend," she shakes her head in disapproval and yanks her hands out from my grasp. I continue anyway. "I wanted to so badly like you the way you liked me. I prayed that as our relationship progressed, I would develop those types of feeling for you, but I still didn't feel any physical connection between us during sex.

"You even said it yourself that I didn't seem that into it. But I don't want you to take it personally, because as cliché as it is, it isn't you. You're beautiful and any guy would be lucky to have you. I just can't bring myself to see you as someone more than a friend. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have led you on."

Alyssa sniffles and tries her best to stop crying as she continuously wipes her eyes. "I- I understand what you're saying, but please, can you just give us one more chance?"

"I'm sorry," I shake my head. "That wouldn't be fair to either of us. You deserve someone who's going to give you their all. I'm not that guy for you. I wish I was, but I'm not."

Suddenly, I'm pushed down to a laying position and her hands go to my pants. "Maybe we just need to try again. We can-"

Panic surges through me like an electric shock."No, Alyssa," I grab her hands and stand us both up. "You can't force a relationship; it doesn't work like that." She sobs harder and buries her head in her hands. I sigh, not knowing what else I can do. "I should go," I tell her in a hushed tone.

I go to Alyssa's door, but she grabs my wrist. "Wait, please don't go. I love you."

I give her a pitiful look. Though it's harsh, I tell her the truth. "I don't love you," I say, shaking my head. "I don't think you love me either. It's too soon. It's all too soon."

Alyssa's mouth falls a gap and she lets go of my hand. "You can't tell me how I feel. You're such an asshole, you just wanted me for sex!" she exclaims.

Calmly, I say, "Actually, I didn't. I didn't even want to have sex. Which is a big reason why we're breaking up; it was a mistake." Okay, maybe that was a little harsh as well, so I add, "I'm sorry for leading y-"

Alyssa slaps me, hard. I kind of deserve that. "I'm going to tell everybody I dumped you," she states matter-of-factly.

"Go ahead," I tell her and walk out.

I never felt so much relief in my life when I make it to my car. Yet at the same time, a little guilty. I admit how shitty the timing was of this. But isn't honesty better? Or maybe I should've waited a few days. I shouldn't have gone on a date with her in the first place, I know that, which is why I feel horrible.

I feel even more horrible knowing how excited I am to go over to Grayson's and tell him he can kiss me now.

Without a second thought, I drive over to Grayson's house, my hands shaking in anticipation. When I pull up in his drive way, I'm pleased to see only Grayson's car in the driveway and not his mother's. I need to be alone with Grayson.

I waste no time heading to his door and knocking on it. I'm done being scared of my feelings for Grayson. I'm done hiding who I am. Hiding who I am makes me miserable and I want to be happy. Grayson makes me happy. So when he finally opens the door, I pounce on him.

I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. He catches me, with a surprised expression on his face and a "woah" flying out of his mouth as he stumbles back from the force of my attack.