Out of My Control [bxb]

Chapter 47

If I'm going to be honest, I have not been doing so well without Grayson. And to make it worse, I can't tell Grayson's emotions. For all I know, this break up hasn't affected him at all.

And that thought fucks me up beyond compare.

It's been two months. We don't speak often, only when necessary like when our Film as Literature teacher partnered us up for the day to discuss our favorite movies. (I had told him he better not say Twilight, which of course he did. I rolled my eyes and we both laughed and then it got awkward. I went to the bathroom after class and cried).

During first period, Grayson switched seats to the one next to Jessica. It didn't make a difference, really, and everyday Marisa tries to get us into a conversation. I know she feels guilty- and she apologized profusely- but it's not her fault. I told her that. The fault is on me for keeping what happened between Preston and I a secret.

Speaking of, living with Preston has been... interesting. His parents are great and accepting and always refuse my offer to help pay rent. Preston's mom has even helped me get a psychiatrist who prescribed me take-as-you-need anxiety medication.

But staying in the same house as Preston while I'm going through a heartbreak, I've developed a horrible habit:

"Fuck," I groan as Preston goes down on me. My hand laced through his hair to keep him in place while his head bobs up and down between my legs.

We've developed a 'roommates with benefits' relationship about a month ago. I keeps me from thinking about Grayson, and fuck, is Preston good at giving head.

More times than not, I feel like absolute garbage for kissing someone other than Grayson. But then I think about what I saw two months ago...

The next day after ending things with Grayson, I went to his house. I had wanted to speak to him, thinking I broke things off impulsively. But I was wrong. I was nearing the front porch when I saw them. Grayson and Logan through his front window. They weren't doing anything, but they were close, too close. Both of their hands on one another. If I didn't turn around and leave, I knew I really would've seen something I wasn't ready to see.

So, call me a shithead for rebounding with Preston, but at least I waited longer than a day.

"Don't stop," I moan. Preston doesn't; he keeps that same mind-numbing pace. Right before I'm about to cum, I push him back and climb on top of him. Our mouths crashing together. One thing I will say though, Grayson's a better kisser. Grayson takes his time with me and guides us through the kiss. Preston's chaotic and sloppy. But I don't care, because when Preston's mouth is on mine- tongue against tongue- I feel nothing but a peaceful silence in my head.

Blank. That's how I feel right now.

It's as though I'm drunk on Preston. I need him to cope and feel nothing. Cause at night, when I'm sleeping alone, all I think about is Grayson. And my mind won't shut the fuck up.

So when I slide down onto Preston, him gripping my waist as I grind on him, my mind finally shuts the fuck up.

*

"You're name's Reid?" the pink haired girl chuckles while I take the books she laid down on the counter and begin to scan them. "How fitting," she giggles.

I give a short laugh to appease her, but it's fake. When she's cashed out, she gives me a flirtatious wave before exiting the book store.

My smile drops when she leaves and I give a bored expression to Kurtis. "If I hear one more person say how 'fitting' it is that I work at a book store with my name being Reid, strangle me."