Ransomed Fiancée (Michaeng)

Chapter 24: Bad Woman

Nayeon

The balmy morning breeze made the curtain fluttered, drifting in from the window. Hair swept across my features. Disturbed, I opened my eyes. The streak of sunlight was peeking, bathing me with its glow. I raised my hand towards the streaming light, watched as my skin golden from the sun. Waited and waited, to feel the heat, the warmth, against my skin. It was hot, it was scorching hot yet why did I always, always feel cold. This coldnesss, was painful. I hugged my arms, staring into the empty space beside me. The memory of her familiar voice stabbed me in a rush of pain, and I curled up on my bed. If only the sun hadn't appeared, I would stay here much more longer, feeling the warmth, the scent, the fragrance, and the presence she had left.  

I felt suffocated underneath the weight of this momentary, but seemingly eternal, nothingness. That old feeling returned; the feeling of desolation, the feeling of a gaping inner hole inside. My insides ache under the gnawing pressure of this profound vacuum. How can feeling empty be so terribly painful? Why, why do I always ended up like this? Why was it so painful, this loneliness, this isolation. I'm alone. I hated being alone. Honestly, how weak had I become? Or was I had always been this weak?

I pushed myself up and wore a night robe. I rummaged through the untidy mess on the floor and found a pack of cigarettes inside my purse then pulled out a bottle of whiskey from the kitchen cabinet. Walking back to the bedroom, I sat heavily on the edge of the bed. My hand shook visibly as I placed the long filter-tip cigarette between my lips and lit it. I puffed out halos of smoke and watched them roll through the air. I inhaled a deep breath. I took it between my thumb and forefinger. I pulled out the cork from the whiskey. The smell wafted up from the top. I raised the bottle and took a deep draught, drinking it directly from the bottle.

I closed my eyes. It was not effective. This wasn't enough. I plucked the spent cigarette from my mouth and dropped it inside the bottle. This wasn't helping at all, at least not anymore. As this void feeling intensified, so does my desire to seek relief. No matter what it took, I just had to suppress this emptiness a little longer. It seemed too hard, too endless to bear such hollowness. So, I reached cigarette, alcohol, works; all in an attempt to escape this old, dark friend: emptiness. Yet I had always dragged back, unable to escape.

I hugged my knees and laid my head upon them, trying to stay warm, to feel my own body heat, maybe that could comfort me even a little. Tears just began to flow without any notice and I let it be, "Why am I like this?" I whispered. Honestly, I may and may not know the answer.

"Nayeon" Chaeyoung called. Straddling her hips, I took off my bathrobe and tossed it over the side of the bed before leaning and indulging in another kiss. My hand moved up to her neck and pulled her closer The feel of her body against mine made me feel secure. I fumbled with each button of her dress, releasing it as quickly as possible, and slid it off her. She was calling me but her voice rang in my ears. Angry tears blurred my eyes clouding my vision, and I shook with an emotion I refused to admit. Pain, the sorrow; it brought sadness so profound, so powerful, I didn't really know what I'm doing.

When I slipped the straps of my bra, she caught my wrist. She rolled me over and pinned me beneath her, every bit as furious as she had been. "Stop it, Nayeon!"

She gazed at me. I closed my eyes, feeling a wet streak trailed down the sides of my temple and fell onto the soft mattress. I didn't want to look at her in the eye, I'm embarrassed and ashamed of myself. "Am I dirty? Am I not attractive enough? Why aren't you using me? I'm willing to be your sex object, I'm willing to hand you all of my wealth. I'll be a whore you can play with any way you wish. I can give you everything."