✿ first impression: title, cover and description (10/15)
i don't read sci-fi books, so i didn't know whether the title was a good one, considering the genre. the only thing i could do was check for the title's originality. once i hit search on wattpad, a sea of other books under the same name appeared. i would suggest you add an adjective to the title to make it more unique.
the cover was so simple to the limit of... boredom? the sentence under the title was unclear bc it was white like the background. the cover overall felt like a sliced rectangular: white above, brown below.
the description was interesting! it described the story so well without any mistakes! instant turn-on for me haha. i have one note: omit 'that' when it's unnecessary. it's usually an unnecessary word, so if the sentence still makes sense without it, remove it.
✿ plot (15/20)
the description excited me to read the story, but when i started reading, the only thing i saw was kaze's crush life, which was cliche. it's okay, cliche isn't bad, but only until the end of chapter 4 something exciting happens as he misses the dome closure, yet we don't even now what kind of world you have built, what time is it, what kind of society, etc. what's inside the dome? what's outside? how's it like in both places? what country? what planet? even if you haven't told us the punishment yet, we still need to know how's it like outside and inside.
only until chapter 4 the plot unfolds, which is kinda too late before a reader clicks back.
chapters 7 & 8 were exciting! i was reading intently to know how will he escape :)
✿ characters (15/20)
kaze is such a cute lover-boy, but his numerous friends were annoying lol. they pry on each other's life. that bugged me.
kaze also sounds naive, typical for his age. he trusted chim fast. i was disappointed i didn't know how he looked like very well. try to sprinkle the story with physical descriptions of your characters--helps the reader connect way better.
and chim, well... if your goal was to make him look like a psycho changing moods so fast, you succeeded. the only thing i'd ask for is to add hints before it happens.
kaze's mum was courageous. i liked her! but how did she manage to carry a seventeen year old? gosh. so strong haha. also, i expected a more emotional moment once she finally reunited with kaze-- the last she saw him, he was two!
overall there wasn't much characterisation. try to express characters more via facial expressions, little moves, thouguts, distinguished way of speaking and thinking, etc.
✿ grammar (11/15)
□ numbers of two digits and less are written out as words in literature. you can use the numerical system with three digits and more.
□ missing commas in many places. ex: when addressing another person by name, set off the name with commas.
"Mum, I can't find my shoes!"
□ now to what got on my nerve the most: the paragraph of the dialogue should only have what the character said and the speech tag/dialogue beats. everything else is irrelevant and wrongly-structured. below are examples (red lines indicate a needed free line, and yellow lines mean you need to connect that sentence with the paragraph after it):
YOU ARE READING
Anna's Reviews
Non-Fiction[ closed ] get a detailed review and in-depth analysis from a self-taught literature student. sometimes, i do special reviews while requesting is closed. it doesn't mean you can request too. but hey, maybe i'll take a special request from you if...
