✿ first impression: title, cover and description (12/15)
title, awesome.
cover, fabulous. expresses the title.
description: nice and intriguing, but i have some issues with the way you introduced the climax. what's francesca's den? i mean, what does she hold at stake? what does a den resemble in her case? so many questions that are not exactly the intriguing type. also, i'd advise against using a weak starter in the description. more in the writing style section.
(i understand later priene is the den. i think the description needs to be lengthened to explain this more bc she didn't live in priene for it to be her den)
✿ plot & chapters (15/20)
i was excited to explore the plot after reading the blurb. i never read anything similar, perhaps bc i don't read general fiction or adventure. i loved the prologue. very short but introduces the story and some characters subtly.
+ starting c1, altho you started well with beautiful descriptions, i felt later you were going to the 'info-dump' direction about their mother and past life. i understand some things like these can only be told, but maybe don't tell them all at once and use different ways to do so? for example, the family talks about her on their way to her hometown, so you use dialogue. or/and one character holds a picture frame and gets memories. any brief scene to tell these things more entertainingly.
+ the parts about luigi's past specifically felt like they can be shown instead of told. a suicidal will typically hold an emotional background.
+ continuing to c2, you did the same info dump for the new character. you started to hint more at the plot tho, which was a hook. however, i was still waiting for the inciting incident.
+ in c3, you feature a restaurant scene. bored me bc it didn't feature any details i felt needed. remember to enter a scene late and leave early. we don't need unnecessary details.
+ okay, finally in c3 sth happens: they're getting ambushed. but i felt their reactions were a little bland. more in the character's section.
+ c3 ended and i still don't notice the title relevance, but that's okay. no objection. at that point, i remembered how you started the story with francesca's thots. she thot she didn't belong to seda, but how does that relate to priene? did i miss it while reading? did she expect priene to feel more like home? if so, where is the comparison? why is priene better?
+ in c4, the siblings are confused and waiting for an explanation. there was sth missing: trauma & lingering fear. seeing someone die right in front of them, experiencing sth as intense as ambushing, is not easy at all, yet they appeared too cool and okay as if it was sth they saw every day.
+ priene is finally explained. okay, cool, but so what? how does that affect the story? what's the story about anymore? from the description, i thot francesca would be kidnapped and have time to question things about her living. is this a story about the characters finding themselves?
+ so, now i understand. priene is the den.
+ at the end of c4, luigi discovers sth about his fiancée. i felt his reaction was... careless. i expected sth more intense for his fiancée.
+ in c5, francesca expresses her feelings to priene. i felt they were out of context, exaggerated, bc in their short stay, i didn't feel anything strongly connecting her to the place. priene being her mum's hometown isn't enough imo, bc, after all, the family lived in seda, so seda is their hometown with their mum, and if you're going to refer it to her mum, then show us more how much she is connected to her mum. she died when francesca was young anyway. the sceneries are also not enough. people do tourism all around the globe, but they don't stay where they like it.
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Anna's Reviews
Non-Fiction[ closed ] get a detailed review and in-depth analysis from a self-taught literature student. sometimes, i do special reviews while requesting is closed. it doesn't mean you can request too. but hey, maybe i'll take a special request from you if...
