✿ first impression: title, cover and description (14/15)
the title is unique and very relatable to the story! i like it. just lowercase "the" since it's an article and doesn't come first or last.
the cover is also great! my only note is that maybe you could apply a light filter to it to make the details stand out more, and try another font for the sentence in the bottom bc it isn't very clear.
the description is perfect. informed me just enough about what i was gonna read. my only note is, if you use indentation, apply it to the first paragraph too.
all in all, you successfully gave the impression of a good story.
✿ plot (20/20)
i was very excited to dive into the book after reading the description. despite i don't read sci-fi, i felt it was going to be unique even if you used an overused plot (not sure if many sci-fi books have this kinda plot). there was a thrill that pulled the reader to keep reading from the very first encounters of the characters. i found myself very curious as to how these teens will survive, why the government sent them with aster, and what was the secret behind him... etc.
the first chapter paced perfectly. you took your time introducing us to the characters and their personalities, explained lightly what their roles will be, and hinted at mysteries and upcoming plot twists. it all came very smoothly.
the only i wished to know more about was the state of earth after they left it. i found it confusing that earth would still have birds, flowers, or even water resources normally. I'll wait till you get up to the part where you explain this more in-depth.
✿ characters (20/20)
jasper left an impression of a fidgety boy. from the way he introduced himself, to when you mentioned he could have a panic attack, you successfully initiated the impression you wanted him to leave.
dahlia, on the other hand, gave the impression of an adventurer. she wasn't socially awkward like him and was ready to step in any moment needed.
i loved how you constructed aster's personality too! there was a mystery behind him that i so wanted to uncover. deep down i knew he wasn't cold for nothing. there must be something behind it, right? he was my favourite character because he was the most interesting one. you made him stand out with his qualities very well.
after what happened to milo, their personalities were even more vivid. their reactions told a lot about who they are, even if they hated the guy. the two girls were compassionate and caring, especially when they tended to the injured couple.
✿ grammar (12/15)
□ you don't always enclose the quotation marks with the right punctuation mark.
→ When you use a speech tag (said and anything in the meaning of it: whisper, mutter...), you enclose with a comma and the word after the quotation isn't capitalised.
e.g. "She is lovely," she said.
OR: She said, "She is lovely."
→ When you use something other than that, aka dialogue beats (a description of the physical action a character makes while speaking), you enclose with a period and the next word is capitalised.
e.g. "She is lovely." She nodded.
□ in some places, i saw you treated "had" as an auxiliary when it was the main verb, negating it with an abbreviated "not". when you use a verb to have for the mean of possession, it's the main verb.
that was it besides some extra or missing commas. nothing major. try to use a proofreading app like grammarly if you seek to edit ever. helps loads :)
✿ writing style (27/30)
the way you started the chapter was very nice. it was clear, vivid, and helped me imagine the story better. your writing style generally is clear and illustrative, which is required for sci-fi.
try to break some of your paragraphs into more mobile-reader-friendly pieces and also for dramatic pause sometimes.
in some places, there was a pronouns confusion wherein you spoke of two males or two females together. i suggest you mention names directly, or refer to characters with their looks or such, to avoid this confusion. i commented where i was confused.
you write in the past tense, but in some places, you used adverbs of present time like 'now'. make sure to revise to fish these out and correct them.
you used third person, but i wasn't sure if you meant to use limited or omniscient? you were hopping in character's heads not so smoothly sometimes, but only a picky reader like me notices these things 😅 don't worry a lot, but make sure you know which third person type you're sticking to.
and really that's all i have to say. not much to point out and correct. i love your clear descriptions and simple words.
✿ overall (93/100)
a new record of the highest mark. i LOVED this book! please update! it also made me wanna read more sci-fi haha. thank you so much for stopping by. don't stop writing!
YOU ARE READING
Anna's Reviews
Non-Fiction[ closed ] get a detailed review and in-depth analysis from a self-taught literature student. sometimes, i do special reviews while requesting is closed. it doesn't mean you can request too. but hey, maybe i'll take a special request from you if...
